I'm back! And I don't know what to write...

Getting ready to teach a yoga class at Wild Rose in Chiang Mai

Say not, "I have found the truth," but rather, "I have found a truth." Say not, "I have found the path of the soul." Say rather, "I have met the soul walking upon my path." For the soul walks upon all paths. The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed. The soul unfolds itself like a lotus of countless petals.

—Kahlil Gibran

As many of you know, I spent the last month traveling in Southeast Asia. The first stop was Bali for a week and a half to hang out with Elisa in Seminyak and Ubud (my magical new soul city), traipse around temples with cheeky monkeys, and practically live at The Yoga Barn.

Next up was two and a half weeks in Chiang Mai, Thailand where I became certified in Thai Massage, had the great honor of teaching a yoga workshop at Wild Rose Yoga (owned by an amazing woman, Rosemary Bolivar), and ate enough mangoes to feed a small village.

The month was relaxing, powerful, healing, introspective, and yes, life changing.

Now, just shy of a week into my return home, I find myself at a loss for words.

I also find myself a bit reclusive. The first few days I was home I didn't tell any of my friends or Facebook comrades; I still haven't made any major announcement, and I'm hopelessly behind on email and social media.

In lieu of actually re-integrating into my "normal" life and work, I cleaned out and meticulously re-arranged every single surface and crevice of my apartment -- right down to color-organizing, neatly rolling and sorting every item my underwear drawer. COLOR. ORGANIZING. MY. UNDERWEAR. DRAWER. Hey, better than sitting in bed with a pint of Ben and Jerry's. (Or is it?!)

I feel a sense of (admittedly self-imposed) pressure to share something BIG and enlightening with all of you. Ten things I learned from a month abroad! Five mind-blowing insights about spirituality! I look at my Google Reader backlog of 750+ posts, and they are all offering something. What do I have to offer in this very moment?

Radical honesty.

During our 30-hour drive to SXSW earlier this year, my good friend Mike and I committed to living from a place of radical honesty this year -- at least to the best of our ability. It's tough, but damn does it feel better than hiding from or sugar-coating our truth.

So, my dear friends and blog readers, I am letting you know that I don't know what to write.

 Here's what I do know:

  • I'm exactly one year into solopreneurship. I am loving my life and my decision to quit and move to New York now more than ever . . . AND I am at a bit of an impasse with my business. I am head-over-heels in love with my coaching clients and the Make Sh*t Happen crew, but I don't know what my next big idea is, or if there even needs to be one for a while. I'm turning 29 in October of this year, then 30…and I'm not sure what the bigger umbrella over Life After College will be -- but I know there is one slowly peeking over the horizon. I am swinging between business trapeze bars . . . just trying to be quiet enough to get curious and hear what my gut has to say.
  • I have met an incredible man who has cracked my heart wide open, and who has been a constant source of inspiration since the day I met him. I don't know what it will become or how long he will be in my life (do we ever know these things?)…but I love what it already is. With him in the picture I've felt radiant, blissful joy; deep soulful connection; and tremendous growth through the challenge and possibility of relationship. Out of respect for him, and out of a desire to keep this delicate area of my life private, that's all I'd like to share for now. To The Man: thank you from the bottom of my heart. For everything. I am in your corner for as long as you'll have me there.
  • One of the most powerful moments of my trip was a numerology life reading that I had in Chiang Mai with Neil Beechwood, an incredibly intuitive, warm man (huge thanks to The Man for setting this up). Our session provided impeccable clarity; it gave me a map for my own self and put words to who I have always known that I am. It was comforting, enlightening, and deeply insightful, and I know that the session is already a pivotal milestone in my own lifelong personal development journey. For any of you looking for insight about your own personality, innate desires and big life picture (past and present), I cannot recommend a session with Neil highly enough. He lives in Chiang Mai but does sessions over Skype for £50.
  • I've been spending a lot of time with Khalil Gibran, Lao Tzu, and Sharon Salzberg's book Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness (again, credit to The Man for that one...can you see why he's completely stolen my heart?!). Now more than ever, I am practicing the idea of divine surrender;  letting the universe work her magic without trying to force her in any one direction. Getting quiet enough that I can allow life, decisions and ideas to unfold as they are ready, not a minute sooner. Staying present with what is in front of me TODAY, loving and accepting myself as I am TODAY, and trusting that I will receive the wisdom I need TODAY to prepare me for whatever tomorrow brings. Finally, I am working on constantly coming back to a place of humble gratitude for what ALREADY is.

Where are we headed from here?

At some point my own thoughts around all of these things will start settling and I will tell you more, or at least share as much as I can about my process.

I have a feeling that this phase of processing may last a while (confirmed by my numerology reading)….so bear with me if I go through periods of being more quiet and introspective than usual. After almost five years of blogging, it seems that is also probably par for the course :)

I'm definitely in high spirits, but right now the truth is . . .

I don't know what else to write.

A moment of reflection in Gusti Garden, Ubud