How to Crush Fear

Written by Paul Angone "Go put this bridle on that horse," my boss said to me. "And don't touch his ears this time."

Here are some facts that led up to this statement:

• I was working as a wrangler at the amazing Deer Valley Ranch in the Colorado Rocky Mountains.

• I started working there, somewhat inexperienced with horses (I was mainly hired for my rugged good-looks and possibly because I lied a little on my application) so I was learning on the fly every day. Most times, very afraid.

• The horse I was supposed to put a bridle on had just ripped an 8ft, fifty pound rail from a fence, and swung it around on a rope like it was a piece of licorice just because another wrangler moments before had touched his ears while trying to put it on.

• As I grabbed that bridle and slowly walked towards that horse, a small amount of pee pre-maturely escaping in my jeans, what happened next taught me an important lesson about fear.

How to Crush Fear

I slowly walked up to the horse I would've rather not touched with a 100ft pole. Quickly did what my boss had just taught me. And got the bridle on with no problem. Simple as that.

I then walked away a little taller and prouder, forgetting about the pee soaking my pants.

If I would sum up my boss's leadership style, whom I respected very much, that's what it would be.

If you're afraid, do it anyway.

It never mattered to our boss who had the most experience or who was the best on paper for a certain task.

If you were there, you did the job.

You ease fear by doing it afraid. Then the next time, the fear is a little less frightening. 

For the rest of the summer whenever I began to avoid a job because I was afraid, I would turn back around and do it.

You learned by doing. You grew by doing it scared.

He didn't sit you down and teach you a class on proper riding. He put you on a horse and told you to get going!

Get On and Get Going!

As a generation we've become paralyzed by over-analyzing.

With so much information at our fingertips, we want to research and remove all risk of embarrassment before we'll even put our toe in the water.

When sometimes the best way to learn how to swim, is by being thrown in the deep end naked and blindfolded.

Doing something big is scary! Not doing something big because you're afraid is even scarier! 

If there's something you know you need to do, but have been too nervous to take that first step, do it right now.

Don't wait for it to feel right. Do it. Then feel right about it after it's done.

If you're scared to speak in public, join a Toastmasters and give a talk.

If you're scared to network, email five people right now you'd like to meet with and ask them to coffee.

Walk into the office you want to be hired at and see if the hiring manager is available. Shake their hand with confidence, even if inside there is none.

Go up to the girl or guy you've been texting with and ask him or her out on a date. In person!

Volunteer to head up that big project at work even if you feel it's over your pay grade

Do it. Then figure out how to get it done.

You learn the most by doing the things that you fear you're the least capable of doing.

I'd love to hear from you in the comments section on this article: 

What's one thing that terrifies you that you can tackle today? 

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About Paul

Paul Angone is the author of 101 Secrets for your Twenties and the creator of AllGroanUp.com, a place for those asking "what now?" Snag free chapters from his book and follow him at @PaulAngone.

Love Yourself & Catch those Gremlins, for Nothing Changes Until You Do (+Giveaway!)

Written by Marisol Dahl

nothing-changes-until-you-do-cover

Today we are so excited to celebrate the official launch of Mike Robbins’s new book, Nothing Changes Until You Do: A Guide to Self-Compassion and Getting Out of Your Own Way.

A keynote speaker on teamwork, emotional intelligence and the importance and impact of authenticity, Mike Robbins is on a mission to help people better connect to each other and to themselves.

Mike's third book, Nothing Changes Until You Do is a collection of 40 stories and reflections from Robbins’s own life and from the lives of those who have most inspired him. Each essay has its own bit of wisdom to impart, everything from why it is important (and courageous!) to embrace powerlessness to the value of owning up to your accomplishments and letting your light shine.

I was fortunate enough to interview Mike and get a peek into his book-writing process, how to battle the inner gremlin (that nagging inner-critic), and his top tip for recent college grads.

Interview with Mike Robbins

As you mention in the introduction, this is the first book you've written in five years. Your other two books were written within three years, with two new babies, and lots of ups and downs. How has writing Nothing Changes Until You Do been different? What's been the best part?

Writing this book was very different. First of all, I’m a few years older now (and hopefully a little wiser). Second of all, we didn’t have a baby associated with this book directly – when I wrote my first one we had a new baby at home and when I wrote my second one, we had a 2-year old and a baby on the way. My girls are now 8 and 5, which is a very different phase of parenting. And, finally, I decided to write this book in a different way (short essay style), which made it even more fun and easy for me to write. I also used speech recognition software to write much of it, which worked really well for me.

Many of our readers are 20-somethings and recent college grads. We're entering the working world, forging new relationships, navigating unchartered territory. What is one thing we can do right now to better embrace our vulnerabilities?

Give yourself permission to feel scared and own it. One of the scariest times in life is when you graduate from college. Of course it can be fun and exciting, but even the most confident, successful, and focused person gets scared when entering a new phase of life. The rules of life in the “real world” are much different than the rules of life in school and it takes some time to figure it out.

A common mistake that most of us make in our early 20s is we spend and waste a lot of time and energy pretending we know what we’re doing, when oftentimes we don’t. This is true throughout life, but especially in our 20s. Embrace your age and exactly where you are. And, remember that it’s okay to feel scared and, at times, completely overwhelmed – everyone else does, they just pretend that they don’t.

What is the first thing you do when you feel your gremlin sneaking up on you?

First of all, it’s important to recognize the gremlin (that negative voice in our head). The most dangerous aspects of the gremlin are the ones we aren’t aware of (i.e. we think it’s the “truth.”)  Once we recognize that it is our gremlin, not us, who is talking or leading the way, we can gently take back our power by having compassion for ourselves and reminding ourselves that the critical voice in our head does not have the final say.

When my gremlin shows up in an intense way, it’s often important for me to reach out to people I know and trust and to let them know some of the negative thoughts and judgments I am experiencing about myself. Talking about it often helps loosen the grip and helps me take back my power from my gremlin.

In one of your later chapters you mentioned that "being bold, while scary and challenging at times, is essential to living an authentic and fulfilling life" and that it's important to "swing hard, just in case you hit it." Can you tell us about a time when you may not have swung hard enough? What would you have done differently?

I have many examples of “not swinging hard enough.” Most of the times I’ve failed – back when I was playing baseball all of those years and in my business now – it is a function of not swinging hard enough (as opposed to swinging too hard).

One recent example is related to a speech I gave at a big conference for one of my clients. It was a huge event and I had a relatively short time I was scheduled to speak on stage. Instead of doing what I normally do – trust my gut, speak from my heart, and allow myself to create in the moment, I got scared and didn’t want to mess up, so I over prepared, rehearsed my speech, and it ended up falling flat, one of the worst ones I’ve given in a long time. It felt like I missed the moment, got overwhelmed by the situation, and didn’t allow myself to trust and risk in the way I know how…in other words, I didn’t swing hard enough. It was painful, but a great learning experience.

I loved your chapter on gratitude, and I find this to be so true: "The way gratitude works is that the more we focus on feeling grateful, the more we have to feel grateful for." In this moment, right now, what are you grateful for?

Such a great question – thank you for asking it. I don’t think we can ever ask or answer this question enough. Right in this moment, I’m grateful for my wife Michelle and our two amazing girls Samantha and Rosie. I’m grateful to be doing work that I love and to have people (like you) asking for my perspective and advice.

I’m grateful that I had the courage and commitment to write another book, even though it can be scary to put myself out there. I’m grateful for the enormous amount of support I have in my life and with my business. I’m grateful for the ability to express myself authentically and to learn each and every day. And…so much more!

Giveaway

We’re excited to be giving away two copies of Nothing Changes Until You Doby Mike Robbins. To enter to win, answer the following question in the comments by Friday, May 16. We will pick a winner via random.org and email to let you know!

Comment to be Entered to Win: What is one blessing-in-disguise that you are grateful for?

About Marisol Dahl

Marisol is currently a Sociology and Education Studies major at Yale University. A longtime New Yorker, she is interested in pursuing a career in education and child advocacy. Marisol started her blog in 2011 as a way to document her college years and beyond. When not running around campus and catching up with her school reading, she enjoys spending time with her family, reading dystopian fiction and volunteering in her community. She can be reached on Twitter at @marisoldahl.

Why I hate the question, "Where Do You See Yourself in Five Years?"

Written by Jenny Blake

"That which you can plan is too small for you to live." —Unknown

I cringe — absolutely cringe — every time I hear the question, "So . . . where do you see yourself in five years?" Any of you who have recently graduated or launched a big project are probably already inundated (and completely overwhelmed) by its cousin, "So . . . what's next?!"

We start to think there is something wrong with us if we don't know the answer.

I'm all for taking the long-term view when it comes to saving money, health, and other core values. But when it comes to career, I believe mid-life and quarter-life crises are relics of the past: our generation can expect to pivot every few years.

So let's stop seeing it as a crisis and stop putting so much pressure on ourselves (and others) to know what the future holds! According to Daniel Gilbert, author of Stumbling On Happiness, our brains are actually terrible at predicting what will make us happy in the future anyway.

Yes, this does mean leaning in to uncertainty and fear — and for those who prefer a cookie-cutter ladder or template, you may want to stop reading. This rally cry is for people who don't want to know exactly where they see themselves in five years.

Friends, family and job interviewers ask this question with the best of intentions, but I think it is absolute nonsense. Who the hell knows?! And those of us who think we know are often in for a rude awakening.

I used to know . . . and you know what happened?

That false sense of certainty bit me in the ass when my plans changed. I had a great job, a condo, and a car paid in full. But instead of continuing right along the train track I had set-up toward the American Dream of a house, kids, dog and husband, I took a little (okay big) detour: I quit my job, moved to New York City and started my own business.

I will hit three crazy years of solopreneurship in July. Five years ago I would have said you were utterly delusional if you told me this would be my new reality! It hasn't been easy, but it has been incredibly rewarding.

Why Five Years is Way Too Far to Plan Details

• Did you know that every single cell in our body regenerates every seven years? [1]
• And that the iPhone didn't even EXIST seven years ago? [2]
• Social Media related jobs hardly existed in the form they do today five years ago
• Barack Obama was inaugurated as the first African-American president just over five years ago [3]
• And on a slightly longer timeframe but just as important, here's one of my favorite sayings from a visit to the Wat Umong temple during my time in Bali and Thailand last year:

Here's My Workaround . . . What's Yours?

These days when I answer, I either tell people what I'm really excited about at the moment, or I'll tell them how I want to feel in five years (much like Danielle LaPorte's Core Desired Feelings approach): happy, engaged, grateful, healthy, like I am living a life of meaning and making an impact in the lives of others.

Honestly? I will be blessed just to keep doing this work, and to have my health and the health of my family — anything else is icing on the cake.

How about you? What's your answer to the dreaded 5-Year Plan Question?

Video: College Students Scared Straight Prank

On the subject of career pressure hilarity, you have to watch this Buzzfeed video -- discovered by Kelli and her workshop crew at the UC Davis Career Advising conference that I was grateful to keynote for recently!

[youtube id="NWWCpuqV4c0"]

About Jenny

Jenny Blake is the bestselling author of Life After College, a career and business strategist and an international speaker who helps smart people organize their brain, move beyond burnout, and build sustainable, dynamic careers they love. Jenny combines her love of technology with her superpower of simplifying complexity to help clients through big transitions — often to pivot in their career or launch a book, blog or business.

Today you can find her here on this blog (in it's seventh year!) and at JennyBlake.me, where she explores the intersection of mind, body and business. Follow her on Twitter @jenny_blake.

Smart People Should Build Things

Written by Davis Nguyen

You’re 26 years old with $100,000 in student loans. Your recent start-up has just collapsed. You have a law degree and your friends and family pressure you to be a lawyer, but what you really want to do is build things.

What do you do?

This was a real dilemma facing Andrew Yang, who is the author of Smart People Should Build Things: How to Restore Our Culture of Achievement, Build a Path for Entrepreneurs, and Create New Jobs in America, a few years ago.

I met Andrew a few month ago at a conference where he delivered our keynote. The conference had nothing to do with business or start-ups, but when Andrew asked “how many of you would want to start your own business or join a start-up?” 80% of the attendees raised their hands.

Andrew followed up by telling us that while the dream of building a company is one most of us have, when it comes time to choose, most of us will defer our dream for security and comfort. He understood that this was a normal reaction.

Bootstrapping Your Life

Andrew graduated from Brown University in 1996 and earned his law degree from Columbia Law School in 1999. After graduation he started working at private firm. Despite the job security and six-figure salary, Andrew couldn’t find much meaning and purpose in his work. Six months into his career as a lawyer, Andrew quit to pursue his passion of building things with no experience in business and $100,000 in student loans. Less than a year later, his first company, Stargiving.com, was a victim of the dot-com bubble in 2001 leaving him with no back-up plan.

Despite his parents jeering him, “Didn’t you used to be smart?”, his friends introducing him as a lawyer, and his growing pile of bills, Andrew decided to give entrepreneurship another chance.

Today, thirteen years later, Andrew has had a successful career as an entrepreneur and founded Venture for America, a non-profit helping recent college grads become entrepreneurs by pairing them with early-stage companies to gain experience. He was recently named Champion of Change by the White House and one of Fast Company’s “100 Most Creative People in Business” for his work with Venture for America.

While most people in the audience were amazed by Andrew’s successes, I wanted to ask him about the story behind the success: the nights no one will talk about.

Two lessons I learned about being a successful entrepreneur from Andrew Yang

1.     Find Your Yoda (Mentor)

After Andrew’s first start-up failed, he started to work for Manu Capoor, whom he met while networking for Stargiving. Manu was a former doctor and investment banker who had started a healthcare software company, MMF Systems. Andrew had no prior experience in this industry, but working under Manu, Andrew had found his Yoda.

Andrew notes in the book that it was from Manu where he learned the most important lesson about getting things done in business. It comes down to “people, processes, and technology.” Andrew left MMF after three years to work under his friend Zeke Vanderhoek at Manhattan GMAT where he learned to shape company culture, scale a business, and provide unparalleled customer service. Andrew eventually became the CEO in 2006 and ultimately grew the company to employ over one hundred people and had it acquired by The Washington Post Company/Kaplan three years later.

2.     Learn to live within your means

Andrew gave up a six-figure lawyering job to work at start-ups that were paying him just enough to cover food, housing, and other essential needs. Through this process, Andrew learned that what he previously thought he “needed” were really just “wants.”

Besides paying for living costs and his student loans, Andrew never went broke or homeless. As one of my favorite quote about entrepreneurship goes, “Entrepreneurship is living a few years of your life like most people won’t so you can spend the rest of your life like most people can’t.”

Audio Interview with Andrew Yang

I had a chance to do a 18-minute audio interview Andrew, where I went into more depth about Andrew's decision to quit his six-figure job, managing a start-up with student loans, and how you can take the first steps towards being an entrepreneur today if you wanted. You can listen it below.

[soundcloud url="https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/145135038" params="color=cc0000&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_artwork=true" width="100%" height="166" iframe="true" /]

You can buy your own copy of Smart People Should Build Things here.

We’d love to hear from you in the comments below:

What is the biggest obstacles facing your entrepreneurial endeavors? 

What is one first small step you can take?

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About Davis

Davis (@IamDavisNguyen) graduated from Yale University in 2015. He currently lives in San Francisco and works at Bain & Company. When he’s not helping CEOs transform their companies, he is helping recent graduates figure out the type of life they want for themselves and helping them get there.

An All-in-One Guide to Finding a Mentor

Written by Rebecca Fraser-Thill

What's all this hype about having a mentor?

Today we'll break it down, one question at a time.

Why Bother?

First, the obvious question:  is the "mentor search" worth the energy? In a word, yes.

People who have mentors tend to get salary increases and promotions faster than workers who don't have mentors. Graduate students in psychology report that peers who have mentors meet more influential people, move faster through the program, have a better sense of direction, and present at national conferences more often.

Although men seem to benefit from mentorship more than women do, women are in greater need of mentors because they still occupy fewer high level positions. It's a shame, then, that Levo League found 95% of Gen Y women have never looked for a mentor.

What Type of Person Isn't a Good Mentor?

Overstretched people make the worst mentors.

They may seem like they have it all - family, career, local fame - and you want to know how they do it. Since they have so much going on, though, they probably don't have the time to give you the mentoring relationship you need.

For instance, Marissa Mayer, CEO of Yahoo!, may seem like an interesting mentor given her high-profile career/family juggling, but with all she's got going on, how much time for mentoring does she actually have?

Who Makes a Good Mentor?

On the flipside, the best mentor may be someone who is just a few years or levels ahead of you in the industry.

You might think they don’t know “enough” but in fact they're more attuned to your needs because they just went through what you're facing. Plus, they usually have more time than more senior colleagues to devote to you.

For instance, the guy who is a late draft pick to the Patriots shouldn’t look to Tom Brady for mentoring, but rather to the guy who rode the bench "well" last season.

What Can I Expect of a Mentor?

Let's start with what NOT to expect:  weekly meetings. Sheryl Sandberg, CEO of Facebook, writes about this in a chapter on mentorship in Lean In:

“That’s not a mentor, that’s a therapist.”

Instead, use your occasional time with your mentor to problem solve. Come in with a clear and specific issue you want to address and ask your mentor to help come up with possible solutions.

Also, keep in mind that you can get great problem-solving help from one-off mentors, which Jenny discusses in her post The Best Way to Thank a Mentor.

Where Can I Find a Mentor?

Look local. Often your best mentor is right in your existing network, or directly adjacent to it.

He or she may even be a relationship you’ve already built – a teacher, former boss, colleague – but that you just need to re-invigorate and label “mentor” in your own mind.

How Should I Approach a Mentor?

Don’t ever ASK for a “mentor.” Just start building a relationship!

Sheryl Sandberg writes that being asked to be someone's mentor is her big pet peeve:

“If someone has to ask the question ‘Are you my mentor?’ the answer is probably no.”

There are 3 ways to approach a mentor, depending on your situation:

• If you're looking for an internship, ask up front whether the position will set up a mentorship for you. If not, you might look elsewhere for a better internship, or else actively negotiate the inclusion of a mentor.
• If you're looking for a mentor in your workplace, make an effort to stop by and chat with the individual once in a while (in an unobtrusive way!) and perhaps to invite him or her to coffee or lunch - when you have a specific problem in mind that you need advice about.
• If you're looking to change careers and want to find a mentor in another industry, informational interviewing is a good first step.

How Can I Retain a Mentor?

Once you have a mentor, how can you keep him or her active in your life? Three pieces of advice:

1.  Be your best! In Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg cites research showing that mentors select mentees based on "performance and potential." This leads her to the following advice:

“Excel and you will get a mentor”

2.  Be open to feedback! If you won’t listen, a mentor will not keep working with you.

3.  Don't complain! You don't want your mentor to feel like seeing you is a drag. It's one thing to ask for advice, it's another to rehash every awful piece of workplace politics. Stay positive and you'll have a mentor who isn't just putting up with you, but who looks forward to assisting you for the long haul.

We’d love to hear from you in the comments below: Do you have a mentor? If so, how did you find him or her? If not, how do you think having one might help you?

Photo Credit: ffaalumni

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About Rebecca

Rebecca Fraser-Thill is the founder of Working Self, a site that helps twentysomethings create meaningful work - that actually pays the bills!She teaches psychology at Bates College and is one half of the Life After College coaching team. Follow her @WorkingSelf.

From Overly Ambitious to Moving Up

Written by Melissa Anzman

Impatience is a virtue… said the overly ambitious employee with their eyes set on their next move. Ambition is a great characteristic to have, especially early on in your career. It will help you stay on track, push yourself outside of your comfort zone, and keep you far away from the dreaded work complacency bug.

But while you are busy being ambitious, you tend to miss important lessons and skillsets around you. Ambition changes your focus forward – to what’s next, blurring out what is.

I know the narrowing of focus first-hand. I spent the first seven (that’s generous) years of my career so overly ambitious that I missed critical opportunities that would have propelled my career forward even faster.

I ignored the small things, the lessons, the connections, and the work.

My ambition scared people. My bosses felt threatened; their bosses didn’t know what to do with me; my peers didn’t want to be on the same team as me because I was too intense; and so on.

Only as I look back can I see how the approach I took wasn’t the best one, it wasn’t the most efficient one to move up. Learn from my seven-year ambition cloud.

How to Stop Being Overly Ambitious and Still Move Up

Create a Clear Map of What You Need to Learn in Each Role

For every job you take or create, you need to go into it with a clear set of skills and knowledge that you want to learn from the position. You shouldn’t see a role only as a bump in salary, a higher title, or the next stop on the promotion chain.

Each job can teach you something – usually it’s a lot of somethings. But if you are only worried about what’s next, the same lessons will keep hitting you in the head.

Use the roles that you are given, the projects that are handed to you, the annoying coworkers or boss who just doesn’t “get it,” to create your learning plan. Be specific and think outside of your everyday role. “Hard skills” are great – learning a program, how to process something, etc., but also focus on the “softer skills” – interpersonal communications, how to change perceptions, creating your work persona, and so on.

These skills should absolutely be part of what you will need to be successful at the next level, but here’s the catch: until you have learned each and every one of them, the next level shouldn’t be a second thought. Your map will get you there when you focus on your needed skills while doing the job you are in.

Fully Understand Your Why

I talk about “the why” a lot when it comes to your career – in general and in specifics. Understanding “the why” for you, will help you stay ambitious, but also keep it in check. If you know why moving up, getting promoted, or focusing on ruling the world is so important to you, you will be able to constantly remind yourself and work towards something specific.

One of my own worries when I was overly ambitious was that if I took my eye off the prize, I wouldn’t make it to the next level. It took growing up (ugh – how old-sounding is that?) and realizing that I wouldn’t wake up tomorrow with a personality transplant. I will still be motivated, focused, driven, ambitious, and so on – even if my immediate focus was on the present.

I had no "why" at the time. My ambition was solely focused on moving up, earning more money, and proving the proverbial “someone” wrong. I’m still not sure who that someone is, but I digress.

Create your why. Not your parents why; not your friends why; not the why you think you should have. Be true in why your ambition is so important to you, and that truth will keep you moving in the right direction.

Ambition Isn’t the Same for Everyone

Drive and ambition shows up differently for people. You may be externally ambitious, in that everyone knows what you’re seeking, while your cube-mate may be thinking the same thing but never express that out loud.

Your ambition belongs to you. Don’t judge someone else for “not being as ambitious” as you or for being ok with the position they are in. Maybe they have mastered the above two points and are moving along with their career stealthily; or maybe they are ambitious in a different way.

The point is, like religion and politics, ambition is off-limits in the work environment (ok, maybe that’s my work utopia world, but you get my point). Focus on your own growth, development, learning, and path – not what others are or are not doing to help you get there.

We’d love to hear from you in the comments below: How has your ambition helped or hurt your career path? 

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About Melissa

Melissa Anzman is the creator of Launch Your Job  where she equips ambitious leaders with practical ways to grow their career. She is the author of two books: How to Land a Job and Stop Hating Your Job. Follow her @MelissaAnzman.

Time to Revolutionize Your Leadership Style (+ Giveaways!)

Written by Marisol Dahl

Time for Leadership

As Willy Wonka once said, “Time is a precious thing. Never waste it.” 

But this is so much easier said than done, right? In a world of endless distractions and never-ending to-do lists, how do we harness the time, energy and leadership skills to attain the results we really want?

Pierre Khawand’s new book Time for Leadership: The Accomplishing More in Less Time, Less Effort, and Less Stress Leadership Journey is all about looking at leadership in a totally revolutionized way. Khawand recognizes the recent paradigm shift in the concept of leadership and what that means for you and your career.

Leadership is no longer considered something you are simply born with--your leadership skills can grow and develop with experience and sincere effort. Leadership is also not just for those on top. It is needed at all levels, whether you’re the CEO, a front-line employee, or somewhere in between. Finally, this new age of leadership requires a healthy balance of leading and following, knowing when to step up to the plate or when to back down and let others take the wheel.

Khawand and his company People-OntheGo are devoted to helping people use time efficiently, take control of the technological world and tap into their leadership potential. Time for Leadership compiles all the new game-changing models from some of the top minds in leadership. Khawand’s approach is all about having leadership “broken down into digestible and practical behaviors” that we can implement immediately and effectively in our daily lives.

Some quotes that really got me revved up:

On focusing on strengths:

When we focus on people’s strengths, they gain confidence, they get engaged, and they produce great outcomes, and in doing so, they are more likely to overcome their weaknesses.

On deltas and weak links:

80% of our results come from 20% of our effort.

Most of what we accomplish comes from certain activities that are closely connected to our desired results. The link between these activities and these results is strong. We refer to these activities as Deltas. And many of the other activities that we perform don’t generate much result. The link between these activities and the desired results is weak. We refer to these activities as Weak Links.

Before engaging in any activity, gigantic or minuscule, ask the leadership question: Is this activity a Delta or a Weak Link? This is the leadership mindset.

On creativity, in Daniel Guillory’s chapter:

To be truly creative, be prepared to have a thick skin. The reason for this goes to Picasso’s famous quote, “Creativity is first of all an act of destruction.” A creative act changes the way we do or view something--and by definition, most human beings do not embrace change.

The ability to be truly creative in an area is directly proportional to the extent of your base of knowledge about that area. For example, the creative jump that my seven-year-old son can make in terms of his paintings would not compare to the kind of creative jump that someone like Claude Monet could make, who studied for years and years.

Giveaways!

We are so excited to be giving away a copy of Time for Leadership by Pierre Khawand as well as a free seat in People-OntheGo’s upcoming program the Accomplishing More Leadership Program to five lucky Life After College readers!

To enter to win answer the following question in the comments by Friday, April 18th. We will pick winners via Random.org and email to let you know!

Comment to be Entered to Win:

How do you demonstrate leadership in your own everyday life?

About Marisol Dahl

Marisol is currently a Sociology and Education Studies major at Yale University. A longtime New Yorker, she is interested in pursuing a career in education and child advocacy. Marisol started her blog in 2011 as a way to document her college years and beyond. When not running around campus and catching up with her school reading, she enjoys spending time with her family, reading dystopian fiction and volunteering in her community. She can be reached on Twitter at @marisoldahl.

Order from Chaos: What Tarzan, Steve Martin and SNL Can Teach Us About Change

Written by Jenny Blake

My next big life after Life After College research area is something I'm calling The Human Pivot — how to successfully and strategically manage change even when all you feel is chaos.

I've talked about thinking about your career like a caveman and the fight-or-flight response that happens when we threaten our own job security by contemplating change, how to create a safe environment for exploration, and how to pivot (not 180) to build on your existing assets (strengths, experiences, network) to make a strategic leap in a new direction. (Take a full guided tour of these posts here)

With this new lens, I've come across some great material from big thinkers around the web that I'm excited to share with you today!

The key unifying themes are:

• Do not start from scratch.
• Strategically draw upon your current environment to build a bridge toward what is next.
• Just as they say, "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" do the same with your skillset: build for the job you want, not just the job you have.
• Passion is not the aim; it comes as a result of being "so good they can't ignore you" (Cal Newport's fantastic book named after a Steve Martin quote)

Think of Your Career Like Tarzan

The image above is from a great post from Derek Sivers on how he thinks about career change:

"Remember how Tarzan swings through the jungle? He doesn't let go of the previous vine until the next vine is supporting his weight.

So my advice is: Change careers like Tarzan. Don't let go of the old one until the new one is supporting you.

And make sure you don't lose momentum."

—Derek Sivers, Change Careers Like Tarzan

Build a Bridge Toward What's Next

I also loved this related quote from Saturday Night Live creator Lorne Michaels in a recent New York Magazine interview:

What do you say when a cast member comes to you and says she or he wants to leave to do movies?

The advice I give most often is, build a bridge to the next thing. When it’s solid enough, walk across it. Don’t go because somebody promised you this or somebody promised you that. You’re a star on SNL. That does not automatically mean you’ll be a star in everything else you touch. I just saw Ana Gasteyer downstairs. You see her in Wicked—that’s where she wanted to be, and she got there. I think when Will Ferrell left, he’d already had three movies that worked. Kristen did Bridesmaids. It was the biggest hit ever that summer. Then she came back and did another season. That’s Kristen.

—Lorne Michaels, New York Magazine

Be So Good They Can't Ignore You

As I mentioned above, Cal Newport has a fantastic MUST-READ book on the subject of why "follow your passion" is terrible advice and how "skills trump passion in finding the work you love."

The book title borrows from Steve Martin's bestselling memoir Born Standing Up. Martin says:

"Nobody ever takes note of [my advice], because it's not the answer they want to hear. What they want to hear is 'Here's how you get an agent, here's how you write a script,' . . . but I always say, 'Be so good they can't ignore you.'"

—Steve Martin, Born Standing Up

What bridges are you building?

Today I want you to think about not just what you want, but the actual stepping stones that you need to build (or the branches you need to grab onto) as you step or swing from Point A to Point B.

How can you become so good they can't ignore you? How can you serve so meaningfully and powerfully that people can't help but ask for more?

This may sound painfully obvious.

But I speak for myself when I say that in the throes of change last year, one of the biggest mistakes I made was to ignore what I had already created, what was already working. I had my eyes so far to the mysterious future that I lost sight of the very bridges and branches that were going to carry me there.

It wasn't until I doubled-back and looked at what was already right under my nose — my strengths, assets, network, and community — that I could unlock a clear, compelling path forward.

What about you:

What bridges are you already building? What gaps might you need to fill-in to get where you want to go?

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Life After College Coaching

Speaking of making major career change happen and finding meaningful work, a friendly reminder that I've partnered up with an amazing coach and friend, Rebecca Fraser-Thill — a Bates College psychology professor and founder of Working Self — to launch a Spring coaching program for anyone looking to make a major career change (and we've still got a few spots open!).

If you are unsure about what you want to do next, what your strengths and values are, and how to harness them into energizing and meaningful work, then look no further! We're here to help. Even once you do know what you want to do (or at least what industry you want to work in), you may feel lost on the practical next steps of how to actually get there.

Together we have over 20 years combined experience working with twenty-somethings. Both of us care deeply about helping clients find meaningful, thrilling work (and lives to match), and work collaboratively on every step of the coaching processes we’ve each refined over the years. When you sign-up to work with one of us, you’re actually getting the shared wisdom and mastermind power of both!

If you are interested, you can learn more about how our coaching works here, and click here to apply.

If we think we might be a fit for working together, one of us will reply to schedule a complimentary 30-minute get-to-know you call to go over your goals, the program details, and answer any questions. No matter what, you'll leave the call with greater clarity and a handful of resources to move you forward.

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About Jenny

Jenny Blake is a bestselling author of Life After College, a career and business coach and an international speaker who helps smart people organize their brain, move beyond burnout, and build sustainable, dynamic careers they love. Jenny combines her love of technology with her superpower of simplifying complexity to help clients through big transitions — often to pivot in their career or launch a book, blog or business.

Today you can find her here on this blog (in it's seventh year!) and at JennyBlake.me, where she explores the intersection of mind, body and business. Follow her on Twitter @jenny_blake.

9 Secrets to Real Success in your Twenties

Written by Paul Angone We go through college, many of us spending a small fortune for an education, yet so many twentysomethings leave feeling completely unprepared.

How can this be?

Maybe we need a new kind of education once we hit our 20s. A strategic, big-picture plan on how to truly and authentically succeed in a decade that feels ripe with unsuccess.

Here are what I believe are the nine things everything twentysomething needs to know.

9 Secrets to Success in your Twenties

1. The Discipline of Yes or No 

Successful people have mastered self-control in the small. The skill of saying no and yes at the right time to the right things.

It’s not complex. It’s simply trusting your gut and having the strength and wisdom to follow its lead.

It could be as simple as consistently saying yes to going to bed at the right time.

Saying no to that next round of drinks. Saying yes to the lunch with a friend of your parents, even though it’s bound to be awkward. Saying no to the relationship that’s as healthy as sipping motor oil. Saying yes to reading and exercise. Saying no to office birthday cake.

We can’t consistently make bad decisions in our 20s and then expect things to magically become better.

2. How to articulate who you are and what you’re passionate about

Finding your passion is one thing, being able to explain it simply and succinctly is another.

Don't expect anyone to hire you for your passion if you can't explain what it is. Everyone should have their "elevator pitch" down about Your One Thing – that place where your values, motivation, and strengths intersect.

Self-awareness is a crucial, underrated skill.

If you don’t know what your passion is and can’t explain it, don’t expect anyone to be able to understand what it is.

3. How to drink, and do social media, responsibly

Drinking responsibly – Life-Savingly important.

Doing Social Media Responsibly – Reputation-Savingly important.

Are you presenting an authentic, positive image of yourself online? Or are you the purveyor of these Facebook updates that need to stop happening?

Are you binging on social media in the same way you’d binge on alcohol – it makes everything feel better until, well, it doesn’t.

Use social media responsibly. Your life might depend on it.

4. New Stuff and Name Brands Don’t Add Value

Do you know what I consider one of the greatest achievements of my twenties? A beat-up, unsexy ’93 Honda Civic Hatchback with no air-conditioning, no right mirror, no power-steering, but lots of character. That’s right. I’m dang proud of this car and the fact that I’ve driven that thing my entire twenties to 220,000 miles and counting. I’m proud of all the money I saved from a car loan I never had to get.

Too many twentysomethings try to take a “stuff and status” leap that their budget can’t handle.

We try to ease our insecurities about what it means to be an "official adult" by covering it up with new things and name brands.

Our twenties are about what we plant in the ground, not about what we harvest. We can’t keep pulling our seeds out of the dirt before it has time to grow.

The answer -- Craigslist, thrift stores, yard sales, hand me downs, and the “As-Is” clearance section at IKEA. Literally every major item my wife and I own has come from one of these magical places.

Buying it new doesn’t add value, buying it new just adds a shiny, new, debt.

Don’t medicate your ego with new stuff while your bank account feels the effects of the hangover.

5. How to Mentor and be Mentored

Every twentysomething should have a mentor and be a mentor.

Twentysomethings should continually be learning to learn and learning to teach.

As I write in 101 Secrets for your Twenties:

“[We can’t] be smothered in Twentysomething. We need to sweeten our lives with some Generational Potpourri--a collection of
 age ranges with different backgrounds and experiences to spice our lives up.”

If you don’t have a mentor, I don’t think there are necessarily a lack of mentors for twentysomethings. I think there are a lack of twentysomethings who are actively seeking mentors out.

I think many twentysomethings are frustrated that we can’t find help, yet we don’t take the steps to actually look for it.

Don’t expect a mentor to find you.

Maybe it’s pride or a lack of time that’s holding us back from seeking help, but I think the real obstacle is fear.

A fear of being rejected, a fear of commitment, and maybe a fear of someone shining a light on “all our stuff” and challenging us to do something about it.

6. How to Invest Your Time with Purpose

One of the biggest advantages twentysomethings have is time.

No longer is your time tied up with homework and you might not yet have the time-sucking vacuum that is a house and kids.

And every day you have a choice – will I invest my time in things that build or things that destroy?

How wisely do you invest your time, energy, and creativity in things that will produce high returns?

Will I deposit my time in things that will produce value? Or will I continually make withdrawals of my time and spend it on things that will never pay it back?

How you leverage your time now will be the key to your success later.

7. How to Strategically Work a Crappy Job

As I often say, “Lousy jobs are a twentysomething right of passage.”

But we can learn the most in the jobs we like the least.

Every job, no matter how terrible, has something to teach. What skills can be gained NOW that you can leverage LATER?

8. How to Fail Well

Twentysomethings have experienced an epidemic of success.

Growing up we received awards, gold stars, accolades, and most importantly, immediate feedback on how we were doing (most of which was overwhelmingly positive).

After college, immediate feedback is gone, trophies are packed away in your parent’s attic, and tangible success becomes a fairy tale of the past.

Twentysomethings must learn to fail well – to fail without calling yourself a failure.

To fail is human. To become a failure is deadly.

9. Know When to Stay and When to Leave

Knowing when one season is over and one is ready to begin is a crucial skill many of us spend years perfecting.

There are miserable thirty and fortysomethings in jobs they stopped caring about a decade ago—and it shows all over their work.

Then you have twentysomethings jumping from ship to ship before it even heads out to sea.

Operating at the right time with intentionality is a crucial and underrated life skill. Seasons come and go, if you don’t keep your eyes out for when the leaves are changing and plan accordingly, then you might be stuck out in a blizzard with your flip-flops.

Read the signs, ask for advice, and know when it’s time to go and time to stay.

(Special Note from Paul: I'm excited to share that for the next two days only, my publisher has significantly dropped the price of my book 101 Secrets for your Twenties (eBook version) to only $1.99 . The deal ends this Friday so snag it now!) 

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About Paul

Paul Angone is the author of 101 Secrets for your Twenties and the creator of AllGroanUp.com, a place for those asking "what now?" Snag free chapters from his book and follow him at @PaulAngone.

7 Career Myths Twentysomethings Need to Ditch

Written by Rebecca Fraser-Thill Career myths stick in the college years like hand-clapping games stick in primary school.

So when my college students drop by my office to talk about "the future" (cue ominous music), the same falsehoods spill out year after year. I certainly can't blame them; I believed these myths myself in my early twenties.

Here's the trick, though:  the sooner we purge our minds of career misunderstandings, the less the ominous music is needed. So let's dispel these bad boys, shall we?

7 Common Career Myths

1. You're about to choose your "forever"

This is far and away the most common myth I encounter. It's usually phrased along the lines of, "But I don't know what I want to do for the rest of my life."

Neither do I! Neither does most anyone I know. How boring would our lives be if we did know what we'd be doing forever?

We don't have good data on just how much career and job change is normative, but it's safe to say that change is the rule rather than the exception.

Skeptical? Then dedicate the coming month to this activity:  ask everyone you encounter how they got to their current career. The stories will likely fascinate and amaze you. Plus make you feel a lot less pressured to figure out "forever" and instead simply choose what's next!

2. Networking is about sharing your resume

When we focus networking efforts on resume sharing, we fail miserably.

In fact, networking is all about building relationships. Plain and simple.

Keith Ferrazi and Tahl Raz describe this well in their book "Never Eat Alone":

"Over time, I came to see reaching out to people as a way to make a difference in people's lives as well as a way to explore and learn and enrich my own...Once I saw my networking efforts in this light, I gave myself permission to practice it with abandon in every part of my professional and personal life. I didn't think of it as cold and impersonal, the way I thought of 'networking.' I was instead, connecting - sharing my knowledge and resources, time and energy, friends and associates, and empathy and compassion in a continual effort to provide value to others, while coincidentally increasing my own." - Keith Ferrazi with Tahl Raz

Haven't talked to someone in a while? Pop him or her an email or text for a coffee date. The conversation doesn't have to center on careers or job searching for it to count as a "networking."

3. You need to be born into connections to get a good job

This one makes me crazy. Crazy! And I hear it all the time. (I also once adamantly believed it...)

Yes, much of the successful job search process results from "who you know" rather than "what you know." That's not a cynical statement, it's a natural reality (wouldn't you rather hire someone who's been vouched for by someone you know?).

That said, we all have opportunity to create connections, if we're tenacious and creative about doing so. By virtue of attending college alone we acquire a network of thousands upon thousands of people. It's up to us to make use of those networks appropriately (see #2!) and to not let shame over our unconnected roots stop us from pursuing the life we want.

4. Your major dictates your career

In some highly-skilled fields, such as engineering, a particular major and set of training are necessary to gain entry.

For most industries, however, employers simply want people who can work in a team, make decisions effectively, plan and organize their work, and verbally communicate well. In other words, major doesn't matter one bit.

It's up to us to package ourselves to make a case for any particular job. We must not let the content we learned overshadow the skills and sensibilities we gained.

5. No job is better than the wrong job

I've seen many seniors turn down job opportunities because they were afraid they'd get set on "the wrong path."

I'm all about being selective and intentional in our decision making. That said, doing is better than thinking.

When we work in any capacity, we gain new skills, contacts, and understandings of what we do - and don't! - like. That information can't be gained by simply "mentally trying on" a job or industry. This is why even the cruddy coffee-fetching internships are worth something; perhaps seeing a boss behaving badly will spur you to become a corporate trainer. You simply never know.

6. Money matters more than meaning

When asked what is essential to them, 74% of first-year college students mentioned "being very well off financially" while 43% said "developing a meaningful philosophy of life." That's an exact switch in values from the late 1960s.

Is that such a bad thing? We all need money to survive, right?

Well yes, but beyond a "good enough" level, money doesn't translate into career satisfaction. When Psychologist Karl Pillemer interviewed 1000 older adults about what made their lives worthwhile for his book 30 Lessons for Living, he found:

"No one - not a single person out of a thousand - said that to be happy you should try to work as hard as you can to be able to buy the things you want. No one - not a single person - said it's important to be at least as wealthy as the people around you, and if you have more than they do, and if you have more than they do it's real success. No one - not a single person - said you should choose your work based on your desired future earning power." - Karl Pillemer

In contrast, one interviewee after another mentioned meaning as being essential to satisfaction, which matches scores of studies on true happiness.

7. A multi-year plan is necessary for success

We don't need a detailed plan to succeed, we need a vision:  a well fleshed-out sense of WHERE we'd like to head and WHY.

The HOW, however, tends to be largely beyond our control. It's often a matter of what job openings happen to exist at a given moment; who we stumble upon who knows someone who knows someone; whether the perfect internal candidate for a position drops out, leaving the opportunity to us.

If we trust that knowing WHAT we want is enough, then we can make intentional choices while letting the details take care of themselves.

We’d love to hear from you in the comments below:

What is your #1 hard-and-fast belief about careers? Do you think it's accurate - or a myth?

Photo Credit: tokyoform

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Life After College Coaching — Limited Spots Available for Spring!

Speaking of getting clear on vision, Jenny and I have created a Spring Coaching Program for recent grads to address this exact issue!

Who it's for:  Those of you who are unsure about what you want to do next, what your strengths and values are, and how to harness them into energizing and meaningful work. Even if you do know what you want to do (or at least what industry you want to work in), you may feel lost on the practical next steps of how to actually make it happen.

When:  We're in the process of accepting 10 applicants for our program that kicks off in April.

What:  Jenny and I have over 20 years combined experience working with twenty-somethings. Both of us care deeply about helping clients find meaningful, thrilling work (and lives to match), and work collaboratively on every step of the coaching processes we’ve each refined over the years. When you sign-up to work with one of us, you’re actually getting the shared wisdom and mastermind power of both!

How:  If you're interested, you can learn more about how our coaching works here, and click here to apply. If we think we might be a fit for working together, one of us will reply to schedule a complimentary 30-minute get-to-know you call to go over your goals, the program details, and answer any questions. No matter what, you'll leave the call with greater clarity and a handful of resources to move you forward.

We look forward to hearing from you!

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About Rebecca

Rebecca Fraser-Thill is the founder of Working Self, a site that helps twentysomethings create meaningful work - that actually pays the bills! She teaches psychology at Bates College and is one half of the Life After College coaching team. Follow her @WorkingSelf.

How to Make Friends in a New City (Outside of Bars and Clubs)

Written by Davis Nguyen

Moving to a new city is tough. Each time I move, a dozen questions are in my head: Did I pack everything? What if I don’t like my neighbors? How will I make friends?

As a kid, my family relocated seven times, but adjusting was easy. I could always count on meeting new people at school. As I grew older, moving became harder. I lost my established network of friends and I hated having to start over.

In college, I continued to move around as I studied abroad and picked up internships and odd jobs. The more I moved, the more I had to uproot myself, but each time I found it easier to meet new people and make new friends no matter if I was in a big city like Los Angeles, California or a small town like Morrow, Georgia.

After college, everyone moves in one way or another; even those moving back home are relocating to a new social environment. We have a plan for our stuff, but we should also have a plan for ourselves.

With the six strategies I share, there is something for everyone no matter if you prefer to party or want to spend the evening discussing your favorite books. With these strategies, you will be able to meet new people, come to call some of them friends, and stop worrying about the fate of your social life when you move.

How to Meet People

1. Re-connect with friends and acquaintances

Each time I move I go through my existing list of friends to see if I know anyone who is also in the area. It gives me an excuse to reconnect with friends even if we hadn’t spoken since first semester of college. Reconnecting with friends and acquaintances will help you meet their friends and have someone to go to events with if you’re both new to town.

2. Get to know your neighbors/co-workers

You’ll be spending a lot of time either at home or at work. Reaching out to your neighbors and co-workers who know the area better and telling them your interests will help them help you meet other people you might be interested in knowing.

3. Contact alumni

I like to check if any alumni from my college live in the area. Like your neighbors and co-workers, alumni have been in the area longer and can help you meet people and be a friend and resource in themselves.

4. Join an established activity

In college it was easy to meet people through classes and extracurricular activities. You can still meet people after college by joining classes and continuing or starting a hobby.

For example, I enjoy public speaking and the largest organization for public speaking is Toastmasters which has chapters all around the world. When I am in a new city, I reach out to the local club to drop in on a meeting. The same process can be taken for almost any hobby, sport, goals, or religious group.

5. Find your favorite local places and become a regular

Last summer I joined a local gym. After the first week, I could tell who the regulars were. I started striking up conversations with them and even hired one as a personal trainer.

This same concept works for any local café or hangout spot. After you go a few times, you’ll be able to identify the people who go regularly and they’ll be able to identify you as a regular as well.

When I find other regulars, I like to introduce myself. People are friendly than you think. All it take to introduce yourself is to walk up to them and say, “Hi, my name is Davis. I am new to town, but love this café and I noticed you come here a lot too so I wanted to introduce myself.”

At best, you just introduced yourself to your future husband/wife. At worst, you met someone you’ll never talk to again.

6. Use the internet to your advantage

The internet is such a powerful tool especially for connecting with people.

My friend Scott (creator of Live Your Legend) made it his mission to bring together people who want to pursuit a career they love and live in the same area, but not know each other. In 2014, he created the Live Your Legend local meet-up event: monthly meet-ups hosted by locals for locals all over the world. While the location is different, the mission is the same: bringing together people who want to do work they are passionate about.

The cool thing is Scott isn’t the only person who is putting together events like these. There are people all over the world putting together small local groups for everything from wine tasting to playing Dungeons and Dragons.  You can find these awesome groups on sites like Meetup and even Craigslist. If you don’t see a group you like, you can also create your own.

To get you started meeting your future friends, you might also check out Jenny's Meet Market brainstorming template. With time and effort, no matter where you are moving to, you have the ability to shape the social life you want.

I’ll be in Manhattan this summer if anyone is up for a Life After College meet up. ;)

We’d love to hear from you in the comments:

What are your favorite ways to meet people in a new city?

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About Davis

Davis (@IamDavisNguyen) graduated from Yale University in 2015. He currently lives in San Francisco and works at Bain & Company. When he’s not helping CEOs transform their companies, he is helping recent graduates figure out the type of life they want for themselves and helping them get there.

6 Things to Do if Your New Job Sucks

Written by Melissa Anzman

Inevitably, once a week I get a call about someone freaking out over their new job convinced they made a mistake. They are usually in panic mode – ready to restart their search (again).

We’ve all been there, right? Maybe because we were blinded by the money or potential or cool-factor of a new job, instead of evaluating the “right things” during an interview, or perhaps it’s because our boss is a completely different person than he appeared to be. Regardless, jumping ship when you’re just getting started isn’t the best option.

6 Things to Do When Your New Job Sucks

1. If your health and mental well-being has been comprised…

Don’t try and make the situation better. Don’t worry about completing the steps below, listen to your body and make the best decision for you, health-wise. Please. I know you don’t want to start looking again or feel like you are quitting too soon, but no job is worth being physically ill for, capice?

2. It sucks because…

You have a list of reasons why your new job is awful, right? Start by digging deep about why is bothering you the most.

Usually when your new job sucks out of the gate, it’s because you didn’t do the hard work before finding a new job – or you didn’t know you needed to do the work. Essentially, you are going to continue to be unhappy at work if you don’t understand what you need from work to keep you motivated and performing.

There are usually two things, a Balance Scale that will keep you in check when things get annoying – so decide what needs to be on your scale. Reflect back on your balance scale a bit, and determine if you are getting enough of what drives you or if this is the missing component.

3. You had your rose-colored classes on

Transition and change is difficult – for everyone. When you bundle your big transition into a new job with expectations of what kind of environment or work opportunity you are walking into, you have invited stress into your life. And don’t forget that you are going to be the new girl. Having to make new friends, find new people to have lunch with, figuring out the dress attire, and arrival expectations, and so on.

Your first day, or week, or month, is not going to be great. It’s probably not even going to be good. Know that going in; expect that before you start.

4. Learning a new job takes time

We are taught in school to always be the best; to deliver above everyone else. But when we start a new job, while we have the skillsets, we are still very new and green to the position and company.

It can feel a lot like Bambi trying to walk for the first time. And that’s uncomfortable – especially as you were probably a high-performer in your last role.

When I took Jenny’s course Make Sh*t Happen, she helped me see the other side of that conversation. When you start something new, you are not going to be awesome at it. It takes time to build up the information you need, the way to get things done, the people you need to work with.

Being in a new job takes time to navigate. It’s not going to be the same job or company or boss as your last job – good, bad and ugly.

5. Set a skills learned goal

When I have a client who is a job-commitment phobe like I am, I have them set very specific goals around what they will be “using” their current job for. In other words, they have to gain certain skills that excited them about that role when they accepted it, before even considering moving on.

Not only does this approach help shift your focus away from the parts of your new job that you aren’t liking, but it also ensures that you are building your resume and skills toolkit for your next role. If you’re still not convinced, try and looking at it from this angle: if you are going to “have” to be in a crappy job, you may as well as improve yourself for your next job.

6. Commit to something small and then build on it

I am going to be blunt here {you have been forewarned}: leaving your new job before six months isn’t good for you or your career path in general. I’m not saying you will never get a job again or you will forever be seen as jumper, which isn’t a bad thing but a fear people have anyway; but you are left with limited options.

You can either include the position in your resume and then have a darn good explanation as to why you peaced out after only three months, or you leave it off your resume and figure out how you are going to explain a time-gap.

See, getting past six months is really the sweet spot. So if at all possible, try and stay and learn for six months. Commit to a date or a project one month out and then start counting down. Break up the time in smaller chunks to help you make it to your next mini-milestone. And while you’re doing it, build your own portfolio of goodies.

It’s extremely demotivating to think your new job sucks. I know, I’ve been there too. But it will either get better, which happens for most people, or you will have increased your marketability for your next job by sticking it out just a tiny bit longer.

We’d love to hear from you in the comments below: How have you worked through new job letdown? 

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About Melissa

Melissa Anzman is the creator of Launch Your Job  where she equips ambitious leaders with practical ways to grow their career. She is the author of two books: How to Land a Job and Stop Hating Your Job. Follow her @MelissaAnzman.

Book Review and Giveaway: They Don't Teach Corporate In College

they-dont-teach-corporate-in-college-10th-anniversary-cover

Written by Marisol Dahl

In college, we get book smart. We become masters of supply and demand curves, we balance chemical equations in our sleep, and we read Foucault with ease. Okay, maybe not that last one.

But the world outside college is a whole new playing field. It’s not enough to study the material and show up for the test on time with a #2 pencil. Surviving the business world requires the ability to get your work done, navigate messy corporate politics, and maintain your “professional persona” at all times. Much easier said than done. But don’t worry—Alexandra Levit’s got you covered.

In her book They Don’t Teach Corporate in College, Levit walks us through all the things about the corporate world we might not know about—everything from the importance of performance reviews, to working your way up the ladder, to figuring out if you’re going to get the axe. Levit is direct and open in her approach. She wants you to succeed, and she’s not afraid to divulge all the secrets to becoming a corporate superstar.

A former PR manager for a Fortune 500 company, Levit wrote They Don’t Teach Corporate In College in 2004 at a time when her career was finally picking up and she was eager to share all she’d learned. Now an expert, she devotes her time to writing and speaking about modern workplace issues and concerns. This 10th Anniversary edition of her book is filled with even more tips on how to thrive in a corporate world that is becoming even more global, fluid and unpredictable.

As a college student who has yet to take the great leap into the “real” working world, I’m fortunate to read this book and start preparing myself now. But there are lessons to be learned at all ages, and the great thing about The Don’t Teach Corporate In College is that it addresses all stages of the corporate lifecycle—finding a job, working your way up, and moving on to the next big thing.

So what are my biggest takeaways?

• Focus on results. The working world values results more than it values effort; we have to work smarter to get ahead, not necessarily harder.
• Swallow a healthy dose of humility. Don’t underestimate the value of a little modesty. No one likes a know-it-all, and employers and co-workers alike appreciate it when new employees make an effort to understand an existing workplace culture.
• Act with intention. Make sure your current actions and work habits align with your long-term career and personal development goals.

Book Giveaway

To enter to win a copy of They Don’t Teach Corporate in College by Alexandra Levit, answer the following questions in the comments by Friday, March 21st. We will pick a winner via Random.org and email to let you know!

Comment to be Entered to Win:

What is one piece of career advice you’d like to give to your younger self? What do you wish you had known before starting your current position?

About Marisol Dahl

Marisol Dahl

Marisol is currently a Sociology and Education Studies major at Yale University. A longtime New Yorker, she is interested in pursuing a career in education and child advocacy. Marisol started her blog in 2011 as a way to document her college years and beyond.

When not running around campus and catching up with her school reading, she enjoys spending time with her family, reading dystopian fiction and volunteering in her community. She can be reached on Twitter at @marisoldahl.

Two Free Workshops Next Week! Get Promoted + Pivot Your Career

Written by Jenny Blake Hi All! I'm excited to announce two free classes coming up next week for the LAC community. If you're staring down a big career transition or specifically aiming to get promoted, we've got just the recipes you need — practical, tactical hands-on steps and tools. Would you expect anything less? :) I've included more information on each below.

Get Promoted: The Nitty Gritty Details from an HR Insider

Workshop Leader: Melissa Anzman Date/Time: Tuesday, March 11th at 12pm ET Cost: Free! Link to Register

Moving up the ladder used to accurately describe the way you navigated a company. Just 15 years ago, the standard formula to calculate promotions centered around how many years you had been at the company combined with your tenure in the position. In other words, how much time you’ve sat your butt in the same seat.

That’s not the case any longer for 95% of the workforce. Thankfully for high performers, the formula components have shifted to focus more on capability, output, potential, and results, instead of just time. But with this shift, the way to GET PROMOTED has changed significantly as well.

With so many different components driving promotion decisions, it’s easy to get overwhelmed and not know where to start. So let’s change that, shall we?

In this free webinar, you're going to learn all about the promotion life-cycle -- the steps and process to get promoted. Soup-to-nuts promotion, baby. Not just high-level stuff, but the nitty gritty details of what happens and how candidates are considered.

Specifically, you will learn where you can influence the promotion process so your name will be part of the conversation next time around.

Ten Big Ideas to Pivot Your Career (in partnership with en*theos)

Workshop Leader: Jenny Blake Date/Time: Thursday, March 13th at 3pm ET Cost: Free! Link to Watch Live (no need to register in advance)

I've joined forces with the en*theos Academy for Optimal Living to offer a free monthly class for their community (and mine!). First up is 10 Big Ideas for How to Pivot Your Career:

Do you ever feel tired, overworked, burned out or unfulfilled? Are you staring wistfully out the window wishing you could do something about it, if only you could find the courage? Or has life suddenly hit you with a “cosmic 2x4”1 that is forcing you to take stock of where you are now and where you want to go?

Just about all of us have had the rug-pulled-out-from-under-us feeling at one time or another, and whether it’s triggered by health, wealth, relationships or career (or a tsunami of all of the above), the process for moving through that period of intense transition can feel lonely, confusing, and at times debilitating.

Although it can be intensely uncomfortable to realize you’re bumping up against a career or life ceiling, it is actually a golden opportunity — a pivotal and critical time in life — to harness the call to adventure within you and honor your human drive for creativity, growth and meaning.

In this workshop I will be teaching a live step-by-step process for how to pivot your career by building on what’s already working as you shift in exciting new directions. Check out my free Top 10 Big Ideas and join us live next Thursday.

I look forward to "seeing" you then!

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Life After College Coaching — 10 Spots Available for Spring

Speaking of making major career changes and carving a path toward meaningful work, I've partnered up with an amazing coach Rebecca Fraser-Thill — a Bates College psychology professor and founder of Working Self — to launch a Spring coaching program for twenty-somethings. We are now accepting applications for our program that kicks off in April.

If you are unsure about what you want to do next, what your strengths and values are, and how to harness them into energizing and meaningful work, then look no further! We're here to help. Even once you do know what you want to do (or at least what industry you want to work in), you may feel lost on the practical next steps of how to actually get there.

About our Coaching Program 

Together we have over 20 years combined experience working with twenty-somethings. Both of us care deeply about helping clients find meaningful, thrilling work (and lives to match), and work collaboratively on every step of the coaching processes we’ve each refined over the years. When you sign-up to work with one of us, you’re actually getting the shared wisdom and mastermind power of both!

If you are interested, you can learn more about how our coaching works here, and click here to apply.

If we think we might be a fit for working together, one of us will reply to schedule a complimentary 30-minute get-to-know you call to go over your goals, the program details, and answer any questions. No matter what, you'll leave the call with greater clarity and a handful of resources to move you forward.

We look forward to hearing from you!

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About Jenny

Jenny Blake is a bestselling author of Life After College, a career and business coach and an international speaker who helps smart people organize their brain, move beyond burnout, and build sustainable, dynamic careers they love. Jenny combines her love of technology with her superpower of simplifying complexity to help clients through big transitions — often to pivot in their career or launch a book, blog or business.

Today you can find her here on this blog (in it's seventh year!) and at JennyBlake.me, where she explores the intersection of mind, body and business. Follow her on Twitter @jenny_blake.

Who is in your Network Orbit?

Written by Jenny Blake

This image from a recent issue of the New York Times Magazine got me thinking: if we are each a solar system all our own, who is in our network's orbital pull? Will they be there when we need them most?

The infographic above was actually much larger in print—a two page spread—detailing all of Hillary Clinton's clusters of supporters, friends, and colleagues. I couldn't find the full image online, so pardon the shoddy magazine tear-out shot (click to enlarge):

The article, Planet Hillary, asks:

"The gravitational pull of a possible 2016 campaign is bringing all the old Clinton characters into her orbit. Can she make the stars align, or will chaos prevail?"

The same question could be asked of your next big leap: when you're ready to transition, will the stars align? What can you do to proactively create order out of connection chaos?

Connections are Currency

I often work with coaching clients who want to make a major career move — last month I shared a template for reaching out to your network, but the first question is: who is in your orbit in the first place?

Nurturing and intentionally growing your network are incredibly important focus areas no matter what stage you're at in your career. The following exercise is inspired by this article, and one I will surely use for myself and coaching clients moving forward!

Mind Map Your Network

1. Grab a blank sheet of paper and put a circle with your name in the middle.
2. Draw "planets" for each of the existing categories of your network. Some examples might include: friends, family, classmates and professors, professional mentors, co-workers, and people you admire.
3. Are you missing any major categories? If so, add that category in a dotted line. For example, when I started writing Life After College I created an entire network of authors — people who I admired who I reached out to for 30-minute calls.
4. Review each of your major buckets: are there individual people you want to add? Are there any existing contacts that it might be time to reach back out to?
5. Make a plan. How will you reach the new people you would like to add? Set concrete action steps for the next month. If it's not a specific person, it might be a category-related action item, like "start attending entrepreneur events," or "join a local social sports team."

I'd love to hear from you in the comments:

What are the major categories of your network's solar system? Any new areas you will focus on building this year?

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Life After College Coaching — 10 Spots Available for Spring

With graduation-season fast-approaching, many of you may feel like you're staring out into a universe of chaos. 

You are unsure about what you want to do next, what your strengths and values are, and how to harness them into energizing and meaningful work. Even once you do know what you want to do (or at least what industry you want to work in), you may feel lost on the practical next steps of how to actually make it happen.

Look no further! I've partnered up with an amazing coach and friend, Rebecca Fraser-Thill — a Bates College psychology professor and founder of Working Self — to launch a Spring coaching program for recent grads. We will be accepting 10 applicants for our program that kicks off in April.

Together we have over 20 years combined experience working with twenty-somethings. Both of us care deeply about helping clients find meaningful, thrilling work (and lives to match), and work collaboratively on every step of the coaching processes we’ve each refined over the years. When you sign-up to work with one of us, you’re actually getting the shared wisdom and mastermind power of both!

If you are interested, you can learn more about how our coaching works here, and click here to apply.

If we think we might be a fit for working together, one of us will reply to schedule a complimentary 30-minute get-to-know you call to go over your goals, the program details, and answer any questions. No matter what, you'll leave the call with greater clarity and a handful of resources to move you forward.

We look forward to hearing from you!

---

About Jenny

Jenny Blake is a bestselling author of Life After College, a career and business coach and an international speaker who helps smart people organize their brain, move beyond burnout, and build sustainable, dynamic careers they love. Jenny combines her love of technology with her superpower of simplifying complexity to help clients through big transitions — often to pivot in their career or launch a book, blog or business.

Today you can find her here on this blog (in it's seventh year!) and at JennyBlake.me, where she explores the intersection of mind, body and business. Follow her on Twitter @jenny_blake.

Enough with the Twentysomething Stereotypes!

Written by Paul Angone The great chasm between Boomers and Millennials can feel like crossing the Grand Canyon on a three-legged donkey.

Or so it feels.

And to try and reach the other side faster we bridge the Understanding-Gap with stereotypes. Instead of taking the time to travel there to see for ourselves, we listen to those who swear they've been there and know all their weaknesses.

And at the core there seems to be one question at the forefront of all debates and articles – What's wrong with twentysomethings these days? 

Like The Most Interesting Man in the World -- Millennials seem to be a walking paradox that makes for great entertainment.

Yet, why is it that stereotyping most topics is completely taboo, yet stereotyping an entire generation is all the rage? 

Entitled. Narcissistic. Lazy. The Facebook Generation all about instant gratification. Generation Me.

We need to stop throwing out the same tired buzzwords to define the "twentysomething problem". 

We read a NY Times or Huffington Post article and think we have Millennials pegged.

As I wrote in my book 101 Secrets for your Twenties, "why do we think an entire generation can be summed up with a two paragraph label like a box of Wheat Thins?"

Because it's not entitlement or narcism or laziness that is expanding the chasm between Millennials and Boomers–it's the stereotypes.

The Danger of Generational Stereotypes

Many of us are not taking the time to truly understand Millennials because it's much easier to have the three word answer than to take the time and effort to ask the right questions.

Buzzwords can't be gospel truth.

Some twentysomethings will act entitled, some won't.

Some will have an IV of technology hooked to their veins, some will like the feel and smell of a good book.

Some will persevere and work their ass off, some will take repeated naps and watch Netflix.

Some will get married young, some will cast marriage off like a pair of worn tennis shoes.

Some are immersed in social media, and yet at the same time feel very alone.

Yes we can make generalizations to try and understand, but let's be careful not to treat generalizations as facts. Because the problem is that these stereotypes become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Stereotypes become your reality.

If you think twentysomethings are entitled, then you're going to continually look at twentysomethings through that lens. Your perception will define your reality. You won't look for examples of self-sacrifice or hard work because that would be contrary to the truth you already know.

Because you've read a Huffington Post article on Millennials doesn't mean you understand them. 

Because you have twentysomething children does not mean you know what all twentysomethings are going through.

There's 80 million Millennials today who are each complex, unique individuals.

Millennials, just like every generation, have grown up in a wide array of circumstances and backgrounds specific to this time in history. And they're going through a real struggle of transition, uncertainty, doubt, depression, and frustration as life has turned out nothing like they planned.

And just because you don't want to acknowledge that the struggle is legitimate doesn't mean it's not happening.

I've spent close to a decade researching emerging adulthood, writing about what is truly at the heart of the twentysomething struggle, and I will not be so brash or arrogant to say that I have them completely pegged.

So how do we move beyond stereotypes and actually bridge the Generational Understanding-Gap towards healthy, productive, edifying relationships between generations?

Open, Authentic, Conversations

Both Boomers and Millennials need to come to the table and have open, honest conversations.

Boomers would do us well to remember, and Millennials would do well to forget.

• Boomers need to remember what it was like to be in their twenties to help Millennials through their questions.

• Millennials need to forget about having all the answers, and be open and vulnerable to learning from those who have gone before.

Parents, bosses, pastors remember when you were anxious about the future and overwhelmed with doubt? Where you were barely getting by yourself and struggling to find your place?

Millennials weren't around when our parents were thick in the struggle.

Millennials didn't see our parent's sacrifice as much as we saw our parent's success.

Boomers the more real and honest you can be about the difficulties you faced growing up, the closer the Understanding-Gap will become. If bosses can go back and remember how they felt when they were nothing in the office, they can help empathize with twentysomethings and help them find productive ways to grow, instead of casting them aside as lazy or entitled.

The biggest obstacle facing most Millennials today in the office is not a lack of work ethic, but a lack of understanding.

Twentysomethings are desperate for mentors who are willing to tell the truth of their own struggle. 

As 74-year-old author Parker Palmer wrote:

“When I was young, there were very few elders willing to talk about their darkness; most of them pretended that success was all they had ever known ... I thought I had developed a unique and terminal case of failure. I did not realize I had merely embarked on a journey toward joining the human race.” – Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak

Boomers. Millennials. There's similarities in our struggle. The more we can understand and identify with the other side, the less we'll rely on stereotypes to bridge the gap.

We'd love to hear from you the comments below:

Have you experienced stereotypes because of your age?

Do you have strategies for transcending stereotypes?

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About Paul

Paul Angone is the author of 101 Secrets for your Twenties and the creator of AllGroanUp.com, a place for those asking "what now?" Snag free chapters from his book and follow him at @PaulAngone.

This post originally appeared at AllGroanUp.com.

3 Tips to Succeed in the Economy of You (Plus Book Giveaway!)

Written by Marisol Dahl

You’ve heard it before and you’ll hear it again: gone are the days of climbing the corporate ladder at that job you’ve had since forever. Job hopping is our go-to dance move. In fact, the Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that the average worker stays at his or her job for only 4 to 5 years.

But what does this really mean? It means change, chances to start fresh, and a lot of new co-workers. It also means greater financial insecurity.

In steps Kimberly Palmer.

In her new book The Economy of You: Discover Your Inner Entrepreneur and Recession-Proof Your Life, you’ll learn how to leverage the power of the side-gig, the key to gaining greater professional control and financial security in this modern-day economy.

As a successful side-gigger herself, Palmer knows exactly what challenges new entrepreneurs encounter. With everything from time management strategies to marketing tactics, Palmer offers great, practical tips for building your own thriving side business.

What I love about The Economy of You is that you can pick it up at any stage of the process. Whether you’ve had a side-gig for years or haven’t even thought of having one, Palmer’s book offers a perfect mix of big-picture inspiration and a focused set of resources to help you launch your business and stay afloat.

So, is your side-hustle in the works? Nowhere near starting? Don’t quite know yet what your side business will be? No matter where you are, here are the top 3 things you should be doing right now to ensure you hit a grand slam.

1. Start branding yourself—now.

Create an identity independent of your current job position or workplace hierarchy. What sets yourself apart from the rest of your coworkers? What are you an expert in? If you could be known for one thing in the professional world, what would it be?

But labels and name tags are only part of it. You’ve defined your brand, now embody it. How can your everyday actions align with the image you want to put forth? If you want others to come to see you as competent, dependable and approachable, you must demonstrate these qualities. Be up to date on the latest topics in your niche, engage frequently and showcase what you have to offer.

2. Build your posse, your community, your tribe.

Once you’ve established your brand, surround yourself with inspiration. Use social networking sites to connect with others in your niche, start reading the appropriate books and blogs, and most importantly: start a conversation. Business doesn’t have to be cutthroat. While others in your niche may be your competition, they are also trying to establish themselves and grow their own networks too.

Connecting with people will keep the creativity flowing, and while you may not at all be ready to launch your side-gig, your niche allies will have valuable advice and ideas. Connecting with them now will give your brand exposure and might lead to future opportunities for collaboration.

3. Expect failure—and embrace it.

Every success has a story behind it, and what’s a story without some plot twists along the way? There will be times of failure and rejection, but for each challenge there is an opportunity to learn and to extend yourself in ways you might not have thought possible.

Palmer’s own tale of a presentation fiasco is a great reminder that discomfort, while discouraging, can push you to re-evaluate, re-calibrate and improve your business practices and brand. Remember: when you overcome an obstacle, you aren’t just getting back on track. You are coming out stronger than ever before.

Book Giveaway

To enter to win a copy of The Economy of You by Kimberly Palmer, answer the following questions in the comments by next Thursday, February 27. We will pick a winner via random.org and email to let you know!

Comment to be Entered to Win:

If you were to start a side-business tomorrow, what would it be and why? What is one thing you can do right now to put yourself on the path to side-gig success?

About Marisol Dahl

Marisol Dahl

Marisol is currently a Sociology and Education Studies major at Yale University. A longtime New Yorker, she is interested in pursuing a career in education and child advocacy. Marisol started her blog in 2011 as a way to document her college years and beyond.

When not running around campus and catching up with her school reading, she enjoys spending time with her family, reading dystopian fiction and volunteering in her community. She can be reached on Twitter at @marisoldahl.

4 Quick Ways to Earn Your New Boss's Respect

Written by Melissa Anzman Starting a new job or having a new boss is always intimidating. You’re walking into a new situation, somewhat blind with high expectations of what’s to come. Without even knowing about it, you rub your new boss the wrong way… and all because you stumbled over the “respect is earned, not given” guidance.

In general, you will have earned a baseline of respect when you walk in the door – they respected your background and experience enough to hire you, so you have that going for you. But once you are officially on board, you are walking into a team. An organization that has been a unit before you joined them, so it’s up to you to start gaining their respect and integrating into the team.

4 Quick Ways to Start Earning Your Boss’s Respect

1. Don’t be the antagonist.

I know there are some personalities that tend to enjoy being the contrarian or the antagonist. I am constantly surrounded by a few, so I understand the urge to point out the potential other side.

It’s not a bad characteristic or trait to have, but when you are new to a team, it can be one of the most detrimental things you do. Remember, they have had ideas and successes for years before you came on board – you have no idea what land mine you are stepping on by playing devil’s advocate out of the gate.

Instead, if you have concerns or see future issues ahead, turn your contrarian view to another potential solution. You will always be more successful providing solutions instead of problems.

2. Deliver above expectations and meet deadlines.

When you are transitioning into a new situation, the new level of expectations can be stressful, particularly if you are starting your first “grown-up” job. The easiest way for your boss to start trusting you, is to deliver.

Listen carefully to the project terms, fully understand what the expectations are, and deliver on time and a step above what was expected.

The phrase, “Under promise, over deliver,” will gain you brownie points every time. Simple rule of thumb: try your best and meet your deadlines.

3. Create work professional relationships.

Saying, “be professional” is a bit vague and will differ depending on who you are and what type of company you are working at. What can be applied to every work situation, is to remember that you are at work.

Your relationships and interactions need to remain at a different level than the relationships you have with your going out friends. Your boss, especially, wants to know that he/she can trust you with information without having it blabbed to Bob in Accounting.

Each relationship/interaction at work should have the same desired end result – add value and enrichment to your work goals and personal learning objectives.

4. Round out the team instead of being a beacon of attention.

Your boss most likely wants to be successful, and the more you are able to help him achieve that success, the more respect you will gain. I’m not saying let him take advantage of you or your skills, but instead, become a true member of the team instead of trying to be the breakout player.

Pitch-in on projects when asked. Assist a coworker so that they don’t miss a deadline. Attend team functions with a good attitude, and so on.

If you aren’t jumping up and down shouting “Look how amazing I am!” you are more likely to be seen as a trusted and valuable team player, earning respect along the way.

Remember, that longer-term, the best always rise to the top. But let that happen without you having to shout about it all of the time.

Earning your boss’s respect takes time, but once you have earned it, new opportunities and interactions will arise. Continue to focus on delivering, being respectful, and doing your best work – and even when you stumble, you will be able to get back up.

We’d love to hear from you in the comments below: How have you gained your boss's respect in a new role? 

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About Melissa

Melissa Anzman is the creator of Launch Your Job  where she equips ambitious leaders with practical ways to grow their career. She is the author of two books: How to Land a Job and Stop Hating Your Job. Follow her @MelissaAnzman.

Who is your hero and when are you going to meet them?

Written by Davis Nguyen

“If you could have dinner with any living person who would it be?”

I enjoy asking this question, because the answer tells me a lot about the person I’m asking: qualities they admire, their interests, and the type of person they might want to be.

When the question is asked of me, I usually reply with the author of the book I am reading at the time. No matter the book I was reading, my asker would always leave with an answer and I was left with another question:

“Why aren’t I meeting these people I admire so much?”

Most of the time the excuse I used to justify my inaction was,

“Why would someone like X want to talk to me?”

The Journey (and failures) begins

In January 2013, I sat in my dorm room and brainstormed a list of people I admired, from close friends to people who didn’t even know I existed. I called my list the “Dream 500.”

I decided that 2013 was going to be the year I faced one of my biggest fears: reaching out to people I thought were “too accomplished”, “too famous”, or “too good” for me. I turned my “500 dreams” into goals.

That was thirteen months ago.

The results?

• Dead-ends connections: 215
• Unread/Un-replied emails: 104
• Declined invitations: 23
• Accepted Skype conversations: 21
• Accepted invitations to speak at Yale: 10
• Internship offers: 4
• Five A.M. in person meetups: 3
• All-expense paid trips to meet my role model: 2
• Offer to join Life After College team: 1
• Start-ups founded: 1
• Lessons learned on relationship-building: enough for a lifetime

I list my results not to brag (or mention how often I fail at stuff), but to demonstrate that meeting your heroes is possible. As a first-generation college student who grew up in a poor community in Georgia, I had no connections and no one taught me how to “network.” All I had was my grit and willingness learn by failing.

What I found was that it is not about where you started, what you have (or don’t have), or your age. What does matter is your approach and mindset.

Through my successes and many…MANY failures, I learned a lot about forming and maintaining relationships.

Five lessons really stood out to me, which I applied when I first came into contact with Jenny Blake.

How to Approach YOUR Dream 500

1. “People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care”

Why do you want to reach out to this person? If your answer is so they could help you with X or Y, then you’re headed for failure. Everyone values their own time.

Think of all the emails, letters, and request for help Jenny must get. If she spent her time replying to all the request she wouldn’t have the time to do what makes her Jenny Blake.

Instead of asking what the other person can do for you, ask what you can do for the other person.

 When Marisol and I reached out to Jenny in the summer, we wanted to see how we could most help Jenny. At the time, Jenny was developing and refining a talk she called, “Career in the Age of the App.” Being college juniors we knew a lot of students would love to hear advice from someone like Jenny. The students would gain valuable advice, Jenny would get to give her workshop as a Master’s Tea at Yale, and we could get to meet Jenny. We emailed her and described our proposal, and let her know that she would join the likes of Morgan Freeman, Bill Clinton, and others who have been a part of a Master’s Tea at Yale.

While the Yale name did help, what was even more useful was that we were long-time readers of Life After College. We followed Jenny and knew what was important to her and the LAC community.  I never contact anyone without doing my research. You wouldn’t go into a job interview without researching about the company and their needs, why would you do it for people?

2. Make it easy for them to connect with you

Continuing from Lesson 1, Make Life Easy for the person you want to reach out to. Respect their time. Things such as keeping your email short and to the point or going out of your way to be helpful makes the person infinitely more likely to want to connect with you.

Marisol and I made it as easy as possible for Jenny to want to speak at Yale. We applied for funds for her trip, found a place for her to stay, organized the workshop space, marketed the event to students, and arranged a private dinner afterwards. All Jenny had to do was show up and be herself.

3. Follow-up, follow-up, and continue to follow-up

Why make a connection if you aren’t going to keep it?

After Jenny left, Marisol and I both followed up to personally thank Jenny and we continued to keep in contact with her. In December, Jenny mentioned needing help at LAC. A few phone calls later and here Marisol and I are here writing for the community we grew up being a part of.

4. Rejection teaches and Persistence pays

Yeah, I hate rejection too, but I find that as much I hate it, rejection has taught me at least as much as success has. Each email that went unreplied or unopened, I forced myself to change how I approached contacting my role models. With time my rejection rate went down and my success rate up.

At Yale there are 12 residential colleges (our dorms) each with their own master. Part of my list of role models were the 12 Masters at Yale. A year ago, I only knew my own college master, but not any of the other 11. I reached out to each and every one of them asking to meet. One of them was Master K of Silliman College. It took me 5 emails and 3 rescheduling before Master K and I had our first meeting. We hit it off. A few months later, when Marisol and I were looking for funding and a place for Jenny to stay, it was Master K who first popped in our minds. She quickly said yes and the rest was history.

5. Be Genuine – be you

I was going to put this first, but according to research we remember best the last item on a list. During the entire time I’ve known Jenny and the other amazing role models I’ve met this year (Susan Cain, Keith Ferrazzi, Pam Slim, etc.), I have always been myself and shown genuine interest in what is going on in their lives and helping them succeed.

If you don’t have genuine interest in the person with whom you are connecting with, then please stop. You are wasting your time, and theirs.

At the root of any successful relationship (business, family, romantic) is a sincere care for the other person’s well-being, success, and happiness.

We’d love to hear from you in the comments:

If you could meet anyone in the world who would it be? What is one step you could take towards making that happen?

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About Davis Nguyen

Davis (@IamDavisNguyen) graduated from Yale University in 2015. He currently lives in San Francisco and works at Bain & Company. When he’s not helping CEOs transform their companies, he is helping recent graduates figure out the type of life they want for themselves and helping them get there.

The Team Grows! Introducing Marisol & Davis

As Life After College enters it's seventh year of blog life, I'm excited to expand the team a bit further this year, but with very focused, intentional growth. Not to be confused with other mega career hubs with dozens of contributors, Life After College is still a small family . . . hand-picked with love! Last year I brought on Paul and Melissa, who knocked it outta the park with posts like 7 Habits of Highly Miserable 20-Somethings and Success in Different Shades; this year we add two more awesome team members to help with Content & Community Management.

Introducing Marisol and Davis!

I'm thrilled to introduce you to Marisol and Davis, two Yale seniors who hosted me for a Masters Tea on campus back in November. They're brilliant, passionate, motivated, and both long-time LAC readers. One thing led to another, and now they'll be helping to shepherd Life After College into it's next phase!

Melissa, Paul and I ("the alumni") will continue writing once a month from our - ahem - more seasoned 30-something perspective, and Marisol and Davis ("the senior class") will bring in a fresh perspective for recent grads.

A few more updates: Newsletters & RSS

• We've revamped the LAC Newsletter to be a short curated list of our recent posts and favorite career, money, and happiness content from around the web. View the most recent issue here and hit "subscribe" in the upper left if you're interested.

• The LAC RSS feed has recently been updated; click here to add the feed if it's not in your reader (I use Feedly).

• If you're specifically interested in my life and work updates, those have officially moved over to the JennyBlake.me behind-the-business newsletter, where I'll be talking about business, creativity, entrepreneurship, career change, travel and ninja-level systems and tools. 

And now, a little more about each of our new team members . . . 

About Davis Nguyen

Davis Nguyen

Rejection is a hobby . . . at least if you’re Davis Nguyen. He believes that rejection and failure are just normal parts of life, but they should never paralyze you from pursuing your goals. Davis is not timid about cold-emailing people he admires for advice, asking for a discount at the Supermarket, or approaching strangers to ask them to “pick a card.” Because you never know who might say “yes."

Each rejection is a step towards success. Davis received over 200 scholarship rejections while applying for college, but along the way, he also earned enough “yeses” that are allowing him to graduate debt-free.

In 2013, he joined the Quiet Revolution with Susan Cain, his hero and role model, and her business partner to change how the world views introversion; incidentally, Susan and Davis met after a cold-email exchange.

Davis dreams of being a bestselling author, motivational speaker, entrepreneur, and GQ cover model (the last one being the most important…obviously). In his free time, Davis enjoys going to the gym, reading his weight in books, having long meals with friends, watching romantic comedies, traveling, learning new card tricks, playing poker, and of course, seeing how many new ways he can be rejected.

Davis writes about improving social confidence at Speak for the Meek. You can reach him at davis.duong.nguyen [at] gmail.com or by following him on Twitter @speakforthemeek.

About Marisol Dahl

Marisol Dahl

Marisol is currently a Sociology and Education Studies major at Yale University. A longtime New Yorker, she is interested in pursuing a career in education and child advocacy.

Marisol is a board member of the Leadership Institute at Yale, acting as director of a leadership education program for undergraduates. She is also a proud member of Kappa Kappa Gamma, serving as the 2013 Zeta Xi chapter treasurer and as the 2014 Vice President of Organization.

Marisol started her blog in 2011 as a way to document her college years and beyond. When not running around campus and catching up with her school reading, she enjoys spending time with her family, reading dystopian fiction and volunteering in her community.

She can be reached on Twitter at @marisoldahl.

A Video Hello from Both

Their 4-minute video hello gave me a big smile — don't miss the bloopers starting around 2:50!

[youtube id="DHp1I6zJklY"]

Please help give Marisol and Davis a warm welcome to the LAC Team!