Empty Spaces (and Moving Past Loneliness)

"Periods of recovery are likewise intrinsic to creativity and to intimate connection. Sounds become music in the spaces between notes, just as words are created by the spaces between letters. It is in the spaces between that love, friendship, depth and dimension are nurtured." —Jim Loehr

I live a life that I am incredibly grateful for; a life full of activities, work, people and fun. And yet, particularly at times of transition, my life seems overcome by emptiness. Empty spaces that are at first unwelcome, but ultimately absolutely necessary.

How my empty spaces show up A familiar feeling started sweeping over me yesterday as I dropped my friend off after coffee. I got a lump in my throat, a sense of dread as I drove back to my empty house, where there was no one waiting for me. I love my condo - I bought it two years ago and I live alone. On most days, I am incredibly thankful for my solitude and personal space. But as I drove home yesterday with no plans for Saturday night (intentional because I've been sick), a feeling of total emptiness consumed me. I felt taunted by the running to-do list in my mind, of all the projects I could be working on but didn't want to start.

My eyes welled up with tears and voices started sneering in the back of my mind. "See? You can't be alone. You say you're happy by yourself but you're not. This is proof." I know that voice is wrong (given that 99 percent of the time I am THRILLED to live alone and have time to myself), but I also know that in those moments of near-panic, if I can just get past them, there are deeper truths waiting.

1. Physical messages: When your body talks, listen. I got really sick this week. I was extremely fatigued - no amount of sleep seemed to be enough. I saw this coming from a mile away. I know I've been running myself into the ground.

On more than one occasion in the last month, I've had to stop in the stairwell at work and just breathe. In those moments, my eyes would grow wide and I would get struck with the sudden urge to drop every single project, task and friend I had committed anything to. To completely cancel my schedule, my projects and my to-do lists, because it was all too overwhelming. I didn't run away and I don't plan to. But I also can't continue operate at a pace that makes me feel that way on a regular basis.

I believe our physical health is a reflection of our mental and emotional states of mind. Our bodies are smart. They know what we need. My body demanded this week that I bring my crazy life to a screeching halt and re-adjust. Get my emotional ducks in a row. Re-prioritize and give myself permission to take a time out. And in those time outs, to allow myself to sink into the empty spaces of my life. The spaces that are not filled with activities or people - just me. I tend to avoid them because they can feel lonely - very lonely - at first.

2. Break-ups: Empty on overdrive When I slow down, particularly after a break-up and when the weekend comes, I notice empty spaces in the day that weren't there before. Where I was once laughing and smiling, replaying a fun conversation or looking forward to a future one, there is now nothing. Nothing but quiet.

In an effort to avoid the emptiness, I might make phone calls or refresh my email inbox, twitter stream and feed reader. I seek distractions to shove in the empty spaces that I know I am avoiding. But deep down, I know that none of those things are going to bring back the giddy excitement drug that I was so used to taking. I know that the only way out is through — to be quiet, and to let the emptiness exist. To be patient with myself and pay attention to what I truly want and need. And to suffer through the empty spaces instead of stuffing them with temporary relief instead.

3. Big goals: The bigger the project, the bigger the spaces As you know from recent posts, I am back to working on my giant goal, THE goal of my life. Writing a book is one of the projects that I feel I was born to do.

During the week I fantasize about working on my book on weekends; spending time alone in coffee shops or in front of my fireplace, writing. Oooooh, aahhhh. So romantic. But when the moment comes to sit down and get to work, I feel intimidated by the emptiness. I am reminded that I am working on this project alone. That at the end of the day, its success depends on me - on my ideas and my commitment. The empty spaces return.

What do red flags, break-ups and big goals have in common? Empty spaces show up when activities stop. They show up when a relationship ends, and when a big, important project is on the horizon. Empty spaces can be scary, lonely, and sad at first. They can feel paralyzing. But when the empty spaces show up - if we let them - that is exactly when our lives get quiet enough to make room for what is next.

So make the hard choices. Walk through the fire. Sit with your empty spaces and see what happens.

***

P.S. What did I end up doing with my Saturday night? I lit a fire in the fireplace; bought a delicious salad, dark chocolate and a mocha (with whip!) for dinner; put Sex and the City on in the background; cleaned-up an old pile of clutter (clear space, clear mind) and yes - worked on my book. Empty space - SURVIVED. And you know what? After I panicked and wrote this blog post - I really started enjoying it. :)

On Generosity and Gold Dust: Lessons from a Mentor (& Giveaway of Her Book)

Two years ago, when my parents and friends were my only blog subscribers and I had just started coaching, a woman named Susan Biali commented on my blog with a note of encouragement.

When I saw that she was a flamenco-dancing doctor, life-coach, author AND speaker who split her time living between Mexico and Canada? I almost fell out of my chair. She was (and still is) LIVING. THE. DREAM.  A version of my dream. The one in which I become an author-speaker-life coach-entrepreneur-extraordinaire; inspiring others while living a balanced, healthy, passionate life.

Susan has done more than inspire me these last two years. She has shown me the true meaning of generosity. Generosity of spirit. Generosity of time. Generosity of giving people one of the greatest gifts in the world: believing in them, and lifting them up when times get tough.

  • Generosity is having a big full life, and sending a note to a no-name blogger.
  • Generosity is writing one year later, sending that same blogger an email just to say hello, this time bursting from the seams with praise, support and encouragement.
  • Generosity is agreeing to a phone call in the middle of a full schedule of speaking, traveling, writing and publishing a book.
  • Generosity is proactively offering to have MONTHLY calls to support that blogger's dreams, even while working so hard on her own.
  • Generosity is sending two copies of her new book with hand-written notes on the inside, then making time for a call right in the middle of the book promotion frenzy.
  • Generosity is offering help...even when the other person doesn't quite know how to ask.

Don't forget what a gift your time and attention is - and the difference it can make in someone else's life.

Live a Life You Love: 7 Steps to a Healthier, Happier, More Passionate You

In her book, Live a Life You Love, Susan says "People first, life later." She means it, and her generosity with me is proof of that.

Susan's book - aside from leaving me brimming with pride and sheer joy for her success - has lifted me up after a physically and emotionally exhausting week. I picked it up and couldn't put it down. It felt like Susan was sitting right next to me, reminding me of all the things that truly matter in life.

From the last chapter: "Under all the stress, fear, failures, and wrong choices you might have made in your life, you know who you really are, and how you're meant to live. I hope I've successfully reminded you of how totally original you are, how worthy of love you are, how brilliant and wonderful your body is, and what you you need to thrive."

Susan achieves her mission with flying colors in this book. She is vulnerable, relatable and wise. Her "gold dust" (our word for radiating joy and energy) sparkles on every page, and her generosity - which extends far beyond this book - has been a true gift to me (and many others).

With that, I am thrilled to share a signed copy with one of you! Just leave me a comment by the end of the day on Sunday, and I'll pick a winner through Random.org early next week.

As Susan says, "May you live a life rich in meaning, health and happiness!" Wherever you are starting from this week, may you take one step closer to all three.

Happy Friday everyone :)

Life After College Book Project: The Missing Story Part 2 - Timeline of Events

In Part 1 of this post I shared some big news: I now have a literary agent! I also promised to tell you more about how I got to this point. I'm warning you now - this post is long. Before we jump in: I'll continue to give periodic book updates on this blog, but if you want more detailed resources, tips and stories on a regular basis (delivered via email no more than 1-2x/mo) sign-up here.

Life After College Book Project: Timeline of Events (Get comfortable!)

“If all you can do is crawl, start crawling.” −Rumi

1. Sept 2008 - Getting the Guts to Start A fellow life after college blogger (and amazing woman), ChaChanna, got in touch asking me to post a link to her book on my website. I immediately felt pangs of jealousy and replied with, "I admire you for jumping in. I've been wanting to write a book for a while now, but I keep getting stuck on 'it's already been written,' which I know sounds silly."

That was the first time I had even uttered the words out loud: I've been wanting to write a book. "For a while?" TRY MY WHOLE LIFE. ChaChanna wrote back and said, "Go ahead and write your book. The topic may have been written already but
 it hasn't been written by you!" For those words I will be forever grateful; they inspired my first "Aha! maybe I can do this" moment.

2. Dec 2008/January 2009 - The Burst of Inspiration and Hyper-Productivity

“When I face the desolate impossibility of writing 500 pages, a sick sense of failure falls on me, and I know I can never do it. Then gradually, I write one page and then another. One day’s work is all that I can permit myself to contemplate.” −John Steinbeck

Struck with a wave of inspiration, I took two weeks off over the holidays to start writing. After the break, I spent many weekends alone on Friday nights and holed up in coffee shops to produce the first ROUGH, rough draft of my book.

I describe my book as "Twitter meets What Color is Your Parachute for every area of your life." It is not a narrative - it's a compilation of tips, quotes, advice and exercises for many aspects of someone's Life After College (similar to my blog). I spent most of my time gathering and assembling blog posts, quotes from college grads, quotes from famous people, books I've read and coaching exercises.

I felt high on life! I was in the zone, productive and happy. Nothing could bring me down; I was going to get this book in graduates' hands by Spring of 2009, rain or shine! HAH. Or so I thought. Little did I know at the time, it wouldn't be out by 2010 either.

3. February 2009 to June 2009 - The Dip (aka: You couldn't PAY ME to open the Word doc with my book in it) Once I finished the first draft of my book I debated whether to self-publish or go the traditional route. I thought I wanted to self-publish (deep down because I was afraid of rejection from publishers) until the thought of hiring an editor, designer and printer sent me into complete paralysis.

I got hit with this unbelievable sense of writer's block - except that it permeated the whole project. I didn't even open the damn Word file for five months. FIVE MONTHS! At the same time, I found myself experiencing a serious quarterlife crisis, job-related depression, and a major dip in confidence. While it was important to "feel my feelings" and give myself space to slow down and take stock of my life, self-doubts continued holding me back, particularly the fear that I was not capable of publishing a successful book. I was in no shape to be creative, nor did I have an ounce of energy to spend on what felt like an insurmountable behemouth of a side-project.

4. June 2009 - The Universe Smacks Me Upside the Head (aka: a chance meeting with THE author of How to Write a Book Proposal)

"Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

I met Michael Larsen, a well-known, well-respected literary agent, at a Northern California Speaker's Association Event. He and I really hit it off (he was interested in Google, I was interested in publishing my book), and before I left he gave me his copy of How to Write a Book Proposal. If meeting THE AUTHOR of THE BOOK on how to write a proposal isn't a cosmic sign to get back to work, I don't know what is.

Within two weeks, I was back on the horse, feeling re-energized with my book proposal draft in hand. I figured pitching my book to publishers was like applying to Harvard out of high school - they might reject me (just like Harvard did) but at least I would know that I had tried. For the rest of my life, I would sleep better at night knowing I gave this project my best shot.

5. July 2009 - "Are You Interested in Writing a Book for Gen Y?" Publisher contacts ME. At first I thought the email was spam (or a bad joke). The subject line, "Are You Interested in Writing a Book for Gen Y?" stopped me in my tracks. Ummmm, YES! I had literally just finished the proposal and was going to start sending it to literary agents, when out of nowhere a well-known publisher found my blog from Ryan Stephen's June Top 10 Blogs list (thank you Ryan!).

Through a series of calls, they expressed that they were "very interested" and took the idea all the way up to their Editor-in-Chief. I was floored - but didn't want to get my hopes up until their commitment was a done deal. Regardless, their interest helped me gain confidence that I had something special going with this book.

6. July 2009 to November 2010 - Dip #2: Hurry up and Wait...And No F@#*ing Clue How to Find an Agent To make a long story short (as this timeline is already long enough!), I hit a second dip. I went back and forth with that publisher for months. I found myself waiting for updates from them, knowing I should be looking for an agent in the meantime but not knowing where to start.

From talking to other authors, I discovered that the way to find an agent was through referrals and by looking through a directory of 400+ names, somehow narrowing it down to agents who might work with books related to mine, then introducing myself via email. For some reason that huge directory just sent me into a stupor again. I was overwhelmed with no idea where to start, and I think subconsciously I wasn't ready for the potential rejection from dozens of agents (I know, common theme anyone?! Stupid sabateur.)

7. December to January 2010 - Connections, "Cold" Query Emails and Contact! SIX MONTHS after finishing my book proposal (procrastination at its finest), and thanks to an amazing life coach who helped me break through my upper limits, I finally started contacting potential literary agents. I sent them 1-page query emails with a summary of me and my project and links to sample blog posts.

I got in touch with about 10 agents total (which is not very many) - some from the directory (akin to cold calling) and some through a network of family and author-friends. Half replied with rejections, but I had the good fortune of half of them being interested. After a series of phone calls, meetings and reference-checks, I went with my gut and picked a literary agent with a very strong background who was interested in my project...which brings us to today!

8. February 2010 - Momentum and Motivation Return So here we are now. After a year of ups and downs, I am finally feeling momentum and possibility around this project again. I feel like my lungs just filled up with oxygen and I can breathe; like my dream to be a published author is actually possible! I also know that all of the challenges in the last year served as great research; they helped me grow tremendously as a person and author, and I know that the book will be much stronger because of them.

Finally, I am so incredibly grateful for all of the encouraging comments you left on my last post and in the sign-up form for book updates; you have no idea how much it means to me. THANK YOU. Thank you for lifting me up and helping me feel like even though I may be writing alone, I am not on this journey alone.

So what's next?

9. March 2010 - Hold My Hand and Think Good Thoughts! Pitching Me & My Proposal to Publishers I am revising my proposal as we speak. For those of you who are curious, the proposal is about 35 pages double-spaced and reads much like a business plan. The first part answers the following key questions: Why me? Why this book? What will motivate my target audience to actually buy it? The second major chunk covers my marketing plan (how I will promote and sell the book) with a bio and testimonials, and the third part is an outline of the book with a description of every chapter.

Once my agent thinks the proposal is ready, we will start pitching to publishers in early March (so that ideally the book will come out in Spring of 2011). My dream is to have it on the "For Recent Graduates" table at Barnes & Noble, and you'll be along for the ride from now until then!

Want the inside book scoop on an ongoing basis?

WHEW!! Did you make it this far? A reminder from last time (since future book posts will not be NEARLY as detailed):

Because this blog is not about writing a book, per se – there are lots of tips, stories about my process, resources and updates I’d like to share more frequently than I am likely to post about (and somewhat more private updates too). If you are interested in following more detailed book updates, please let me know by filling out this quick form. I look forward to sharing more with you!

SUZE ORMAN KNOWS WE EXIST!!!

OMG. OMFG. I am going to try to stop hyperventilating long enough to breathe and write this blog post. Suze Orman knows we exist!! That's right, Suze FREAKING Orman, my idol of all idols. And she taped a video for Life After College! When Orman's media team got in touch and asked me to submit a question for her to answer via video, I was tempted to ask "HOW CAN I BE YOU?!" but came to my senses and went with something more practical (props to Lauren for suggesting the winning question via Twitter). I'm thrilled to report that she and her team came through, and that my life is now complete! Okay, well close :)

The question:

A good portion of my audience would describe themselves as "Young, Fabulous and Broke" - as your book is so aptly named. What is the most important thing for recent graduates to remember as they try to balance paying bills, having fun, paying off student loans and saving for retirement? How should they prioritize all those things?

Suze's Response (Click here to open in a new window):

Want more Suze? (How AWESOME is that black leather jacket, btw?!) Check-out her website, YouTube channel, Facebook fan page and follow her on twitter.

Life After College Book Project: The Missing Story - Part 1 of 2

It's confession time again. Remember the turtle shell mode I referenced in my post on sadness? Time to let you in on a little secret: I also hide underneath my turtle shell when I first start pursuing really big, scary, hairy goals. When a dream is so big I can barely wrap my brain around it, I don't tell many people I'm working on it at first. I quietly make a plan, live the ups and downs as a "lone ranger," then I poke my head out and start telling people what I'm up to once I see some signs of success on the road ahead. You've heard me drop little references to a book project, but in general I know I've been very mysterious. I want to do better. I want to share more with you - the ups and the downs. You are here reading this blog every week, you are the audience I think about at every step, and you are the ones who have encouraged me to keep writing with every comment and every email! It's silly for me to let my fear of failure (or fear of success) keep me from sharing more.

So what prompted this post?

Big news: I chose my literary agent this weekend!! My project feels real. It has survived self-doubt, addictive focus, a quarterlife crisis, deciding not to self-publish after months of writer's block, upper limits, and many other twists and turns. I started writing in 2008, and finally - in February 2010 - I'm coming clean and telling you what the hell I've been doing all these months!

Signing with a literary agent does not make this a done deal - there is no guarantee a publisher will sign-on, that the book will sell - or any other metric of traditional success. But I want to stick my neck out and share the journey with you anyway. If I "fail"? (in quotes because I truly feel just going for it is a success) So what?! We'll figure it out together. Plus, by saying it out loud I know I'll have that much more momentum behind me and the project. You just try to bring us down, universe!

I know many of you have dreams to be a writer - or maybe you are just curious about how my process has gone. In Part 2 of this post, I'll share the timeline of events that's gotten me here: from the seed of an idea to now, which is that the book draft is written and I'm working on revising the proposal to start submitting to publishers in March.

Want the inside book scoop on an ongoing basis?

Because this blog is not about writing a book, per se - there are lots of tips, stories about my process, resources and updates I'd like to share more frequently than I am likely to post about (and somewhat more private updates too). If you are interested in following more detailed book updates, please let me know by filling out this quick form. I look forward to sharing more with you!

Help a Reader Out: How Do You Make Decisions?

Earlier this week a reader wrote to me with the following question that shouted "bring it to the people!" - particularly since I'm a Libra - known to be indecisive. I'll share some of my tips, then I would love to hear from you in the comments!

Jenny - could you write about decision making? I'm probably the most indecisive person on the planet.  I've realized that maybe this is stemming from a much deeper problem − like an unwillingness to commit to something.  It usually causes me to stress out about things that I wish I didn't.  It can range from a huge life decision "Should I graduate early?" or "Does God exist?" to "What should I make for dinner today?" or "How does this outfit look?"  How do people make these decisions and why can't i do it?!

Jenna

6 of my Decision-Making Strategies (to kick-off the brainstorming):

  1. Get crystal clear on your values and goals. These are your compass to keep you on track and point you in the right direction.
  2. Ask yourself broad but direct questions: What do I really want? What is important to me about that? What do I know in my gut to be true?
  3. As Martha Beck would say, focus on what feels "shackles off" versus "shackles on." As you weigh your decision, picture yourself playing out each version. Think about what feels freeing versus suffocating. What excites you most? What factors are you considering based on fear versus based on your true values and desires? (For more: see Steering by Starlight book notes)
  4. Consult trusted advisers - but not too many, too early or too often. Consulting a few close advisers (friends, family or co-workers) on important decisions can give you a sounding-board for when you're stuck. The best advisors can help you think through each aspect of a decision from a neutral place. Just be careful not to rely on them too heavily or you will end up creating so much noise that you drown out your own gut instincts.
  5. Get quiet so you can hear yourself think. Give yourself space to reflect - I do my best thinking/processing while running, swimming, writing and driving. What works best for you?
  6. Trust: trust your gut and that the right decision will become clear when you're ready. One day you will wake up and just know. The decision will make itself at exactly the right time. Until then, try to relax a little bit.

Your turn: any advice for Jenna on how you make decisions or on how you commit to those decisions with confidence? I'm really looking forward to hearing from all of you - I have no doubt that your combined wisdom will be far more valuable than anything I could come up with on my own!

A Note on Sadness: Cloudy with a Chance of Sunshine

"We should bear our sorrows with greater confidence than our joys. For they are the moments when something new, something unknown, has entered into us. The more patient, quiet and open we are in our sorrowing, the more deeply and the more unhesitatingly will the new thing enter us and the better we shall deserve it." —Rainer Maria Rilke

As part of my year of love, I promised myself I would be more vulnerable. In life AND on this blog. As much as it scares me, I am committing to letting you in a little more - to show you the sides of me that aren't always shiny and happy - even though for the most part I like to focus on joy, practical tips and positivity.

But alas - in the name of vulnerability, today I bring you a note on sadness. Sadness over a romantic relationship ending. I'll leave it at that, because this post is about feelings, not details.

Processing Feelings: The Turtle Method

When I am sad, I tend to hide from the world - including my friends (and twitter followers and blog readers). I retreat into my turtle shell and won't come out until I can be happy and put-together again. I'm not endorsing this method (it gets lonely) - it just happens to be my first line of defense.

Yesterday I retreated into my "I'm fine!" turtle shell, and today I feel like someone reached down from the sky and plucked the whole thing right off. Sadness exposed. Written on my face. Tears welling up at unpredictable moments (for example: as I write this in the middle of a crowded coffee shop).

And yet - I am grateful. I am happy that I'm sad, because it represents the fact that I lived and I loved and I felt alive. I am sad that the wonderful experience is over, but so happy for the connection and the countless moments of bliss.

Weather Report: Cloudy with a (very good!) Chance of Sunshine

The weather in the SF Bay Area today is grey and drizzly, with intermittent sunshine and respite from the rain. That's exactly how I feel. Quiet and lightly sad (not the full-blown so-depressed-I-can't-move kind), with many moments of fond memories and gratitude for everything I learned and experienced.

If I ever shunned sadness or pushed it aside, I am not doing that now. I am giving it a free pass to hang out with me today (and for as long as it needs to, really). I took it to breakfast, to coffee, on a long walk and even all the way to my blog (it should feel honored!). I know that only by letting it in - and airing it out - can I really move forward.

I am a Quote Machine (But admit it - that's partly why you love me)

There are two Rilke quotes I send to friends when they hit rough patches. In addition to the one I shared above, they are:

"Perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses, who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave."

"You must think that something is happening upon you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; it will not let you fall."

—Rainer Maria Rilke

Sadness, vulnerability and love are more beautiful than I ever gave them credit for. Because they are real and raw and part of living a big full life. And so is letting people in.

So even though I'm a little sad today, don't be too worried about me. This is nothing that eating a dozen Red Velvet Cupcakes in one sitting can't fix!*

*Kidding. I think.

Yes It's True...I Blogged About Love

Well, folks! A small family of pigs somewhere just got their wings and learned to fly. I - Jenny Blake - blogged about the BIG SCARY L-WORD over at Ophelia's Webb. I am honored to be a part of Elisa Doucette's February All You Need is Love series, in which a different blogger will pontificate on this warm fuzzy topic every day for the entire month o' loooooove. (On that note, will one of you be my valentine? I get lonely this time of year with the Superbowl and Valentine's Day and all...)

Here's a sneak peek at the beginning of my post, titled Love Happens - If You Let It:

When Elisa emailed asking me to contribute a guest post for her "All You Need is Love" series, it struck a little (okay a lot of) terror in my heart. "What the HELL do I know about love?" I said out loud to the friend I was with. We both chuckled. I'm 26 and it's no secret that my dating life often leaves - well - much to be desired in the way of passionate romance. Which is funny, because I'm like a walking feeling machine with an inner romantic so sappy it puts most RomComs to shame.

So I sat with the following questions for a few weeks before I was ready to write: What do I know about love? What do I want to say about love? Can I "add value" to this series without being sure that I've ever experienced true passionate, romantic, soul-connected love?

To read the rest, jump on over to Ophelia's Webb and check it out!

Cheers - to love, light and laughter in 2010 :D

Guest Post: Task-Hopping Got You Down?

This is a guest post from Pierre Khawand. Pierre founded People OnTheGo in 2001 to enable business professionals to communicate and collaborate more effectively using leading edge technologies. I met Pierre at one of his fantastic productivity workshops, and was honored to be a featured guest on two of his webinars: Gen Y in the Workplace and Twitter 101. Is Task-Hopping Holding You Back?

Does this happen to you? You start to work on a task and then casually without even noticing it, you slip into another task and let the first one just fade out and then die. This happens again after a few minutes. And then again!

Half an hour later, you don’t even remember what the original task was. Not only that, but you wonder what you got done in the last half an hour. This is what I call “task hopping.” It seems to happen more often when a task gets a little more challenging or demanding than we wish to handle at the moment or when another more enticing proposition or interruption shows up.  The problem is that task hopping - unlike bar-hopping which can be fun and engaging - diminishes our ability to do creative problem solving and strategic thinking, and to get meaningful things accomplished.

In my new book The Accomplishing More With less Workbook, and the free eBook (The Results Curve™: How to Manage Focus and Collaborative Time) I illustrate the above problem using actual graphs and provide some specific steps that you can take to minimize the impact of interruptions including task hopping. One of the tools that I discuss is the use of a countdown timer when working on an important task (and when focus is of primary importance). Setting the countdown timer for 40 minutes (or whatever time period you choose) has significant productivity benefits.

The Benefits of Using a Timer to Prevent Task-Hopping

1. The timer heightens our awareness of time Just the fact that the timer is running seems to drastically heighten our awareness of time and allow us to quickly notice when we deviate from our task. It’s as simple as that. It is fascinating that such a simple and easy tool can have such an impact on our focus, but it does.

2. The timer creates purpose The timer helps us put a stake in the ground and declare that we have officially started the task at hand. Without such a clear signal it is easy to stay noncommittal, and for task-hopping to sneak in.

3. The timer creates accountability Once the timer has started, in 40 minutes you will clearly know if you accomplished what you intended. The timer also helps us better estimate the time it takes to get things done in the future.

4. The timer prompts us to move things forward Using a timer prompts us to face the issues, make decisions, and move things along as opposed to dwelling on issues and staying indefinitely in analysis/paralysis mode.

5. The timer as a stress relief mechanism The timer signifies that we have given ourselves permission to be where we are for the time period we have chosen. Now we can more easily give up the guilt or anxiety that we would otherwise experience for not being somewhere else and not handling all the other things that need to be handled.

The Happy Sound of Accomplishment

Once you start your task timer, the happy sound of accomplishment is only 40 minutes away, and when you hear it you are likely to experience a great feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment. Give it a try and let me know how it goes!

***

For more productivity tips from Pierre: follow him on twitter, check out his workbook and download his free eBook.

Martha Beck - Wizard vs. Lizard: The Battle for Your Brain

The world is re-created in every instant of time, and this moment is always your life's beginning. No matter how many years have been stolen from you by your own ignorance, by cruel fate, or by the acts of others, you have a clean, broad slate before you. In this instant - this one now - you can begin steering by starlight, and if you do, the rest of creation will conspire to guide, teach, and help you. —Martha Beck, Steering by Starlight

Martha Beck is one of my ALL TIME favorite authors - she is sharp, hilarious, insightful, and I also find her story fascinating. Beck exhausted herself for years pursuing three Harvard degrees (including a Ph.D) while raising three kids (this after leaving the Mormon church and her family behind), then realized she wanted to become a life coach to save others from the physical and emotional misery she endured for so long. She's been featured on Oprah, and now runs her own coach training program (which I discovered through fellow coaches Pam Slim and Cath Duncan).

I can honestly say that two of her books - Finding Your North Star and The Four-Day Win - changed my life. The former helped me navigate an emotionally turbulent time in my life, and the latter will forever change the way I think about food and health. Curious about what other gems of wisdom Martha had to share, I read Steering by Starlight over the holidays. The following are excerpts from the chapter on "lizard brain" fears that hold us back.

Excerpts from Chapter 2: Wizard vs. Lizard: The Battle for Your Brain Steering by Starlight by Martha Beck

  • The entire purpose of your reptilian brain is to continuously broadcast survival fears - alarm reactions that keep animals alive in the wild.
  • These fears fall into two categories: lack and attack. On one hand, our reptilian brains are convinced that we lack everything we need: We don't have enough love, time, money, everything. On the other hand, something terrible is about to happen.
  • [Focusing on lack-and-attack fear] ruins your relationships, your body, your life - and it doesn't protect you from anything. In fact, it often creates what it fears.
  • When we're taken over by intense, high-adrenaline lizard fears about lack and attack, the people around us become anxious as well. They respond to our jitters by getting jittery, our defensiveness becomes defensive. Sociologists call this "social contagion."
  • Psychologists call it projection and reaction formation: Each person responds to the other by projecting her own sense of fear and grasping, then reacting violently against signs of fear (which come across as aggression) in the other. Your hideously controlling boss is so dictatorial that his employees really do want to rise up and depose him. The clingy friend who often shows up unannounced or refuses to leave, hoping to get every possible moment of your time? You avoid that person like the plague.
  • A Catholic priest once told me the only thing the Devil can't stand is being laughed at. This maxim suggests that learning to laugh at our fears is one of the best ways to conquer our own evil tendencies. This is ironic because most of the time, we unconsciously worship our fears, holding them deeply sacred.
  • Don't wait for your lizard fears to go away; they never will, as long as you have a brain. If you do nothing more than choose whatever feels most "shackles off" (freeing) to you, moment by moment, you will fulfill your best destiny.
  • Freedom is available at any time, to anyone - and so is captivity. Moving away from fear is not nearly as realistic or productive as moving toward freedom.
  • You will never realize your best destiny through the avoidance of fear. Rather, you will realize it through the exercise of courage, which means taking whatever action is most liberating to the soul, even when you are afraid.

***

I read a lot of books - connect with me on Good Reads to keep up!

10 Reasons I Love My Cubicle

Do I fantasize about living a location independent lifestyle one day? Absolutely. Do I see that in my 5-year future? Hell yes. But let me tell you a secret: right now, I love my cube. And don't feel bad if you do too. Heck, even if it's not love  - you can still find a lot to appreciate about the 40+ hour-a-week office job that often gets a bad rap in many blogs and books today.

While a handful of great blogs provide tips and resources for job-hunters to find office jobs, many extol the virtues of quitting to live free and independently; to work wherever you want, whenever you want. More power to those people! I have incredible respect and admiration for people like Carlos, Jamie, Carl, Jun and Sean for their drive, independence and ingenuity as they navigate ups and downs, set their on schedule and seek work that truly fulfills them.

Desk

At the same time, I feel compelled to share why I love my cube in the hopes of encouraging those of you who may feel you've settled or are somehow stuck in the "dreaded rat-race" just because you "work for the man" at an office job. I realize that if you're not currently doing work that suits you, where you sit - cube, couch or desk - won't really matter. For help thinking about next steps in your career, check out my post on Creating a Professional Development Strategy - Part 1 and Part 2.

10 Reasons I Love My Cube

  1. I love working in an open, collaborative environment. I learn so much from my co-workers; in meetings, at lunch, passing in the hallways.
  2. It's nice to have someone to turn around and share, vent or laugh with. I love spinning around in my black rolling chair, tapping my co-worker on the shoulder and asking for advice, input on a project, or just to take a quick chat break. It keeps me sane! There is something great about the personal, face-to-face connection that I have with co-workers IRL.
  3. I love structure. The 9-6 schedule really works for me! I wake up, go to the gym, work a full day, go to yoga, have dinner and go home. I'm fulfilled by having a routine, and don't see it as being a prisoner at all.
  4. I love meeting new people. I live alone, so I'm glad I don't also work alone (right now). I loooove my solitude. Sometimes it scares me how much! I wonder if I'll wind up a cat lady - or in my case, a cupcake lady with empty boxes and stacks of books everywhere. But I digress. The point is - working for a company, especially a large one, is a great way to meet new people, particularly for those of us trying to expand our social circles after college.
  5. Office supplies galore! Here's another secret about me: as a kid, I loved office supplies more than candy. One of the perks of working in an office: you get free office supplies! Just about whenever you need them! It's beautiful. I love not having to worry about buying post-its, and I'm lucky enough to work for a company where they supply me with a nice laptop and tech support. I experience some serious savings as a result.
  6. Boring but true: benefits, benefits, benefits. I love that I don't have to figure out how to get health insurance, a 401(k) or a Flexible Spending Account on my own. I fill out a handy little questionnaire online, and POW! All those things are taken care of. Benefits are complicated enough to figure out as an employee - I can't imagine trying to figure out how to set-them up in the first place as my own boss. I'm sure I would eventually figure it out; but I'm perfectly happy spending my brain cells elsewhere for now.
  7. Get this: I like having a manager! Yes, it's true. I love being a leader too - and I often seek ways to do that - but I learn so much from people with more experience than me. I like having a manager who asks pointed questions about my work, who gives me feedback, and who reflects on my strengths and areas for development. Side note: I've learned as much from bad managers as I have from good ones - all of which will help me be a better worker, leader and manager myself.
  8. Working for a company is like being in the middle of a business school case study - as it is being written. I love being an observer of how companies operate - all the way from a start-up to a big company like Google. How is the management team structured? What systems are in place across the company? What works? What doesn't? How do leaders motivate their employees? What de-motivates them? How do companies streamline and automate tasks - both product-related and infrastructure-related? I love being able to observe and learn lessons about business and leadership, all without going into $150K of debt!
  9. When the printer says "PC Load Letter" I don't have to fix it (or take it to a field and kick its ass). Don't get me wrong - I'm a master at fixing copier jams. I get a weird sense of satisfaction from opening every FREAKING door and turning every damn handle until I fix the stupid thing. But in general, I'm thankful that I don't need to purchase or maintain expensive office equipment (or trek to Kinkos and pay them exorbitant amounts of money for things like color copies).
  10. I will love the location independent lifestyle even more when I get there. Working in a cube - enjoying it AND getting it out of my system - will really help me enjoy and appreciate the location independent lifestyle when I finally take the plunge in a few years. I'll know what I'm leaving behind - the good and the bad - and find ways to re-create the good when I'm out there on my own.

How about you? Anything you love about cube life that I missed?

A final note: may we all find our own freedom in our everyday lives, cube or not.

Lift the Oars (and Happy New Year!) - Video

I love the number 10. So round and even; simple and beautiful. It's going to be a great year, people, I know it! I'm kicking this year off with a two-minute video post in which I share my silly new nickname and talk about the importance of relaxing a bit amidst all of our striving and resolutions; even Patches (my 14-year-old dog) makes a cameo. With that, I belatedly raise a champagne glass to you all. Cheers!

One Day at a Time

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." —Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do you want to know how great things happen? Life achievements and big scary dreams? Buying a house, living a healthy lifestyle, making it to your 59th wedding anniversary (like my grandparents) or sticking to your intentions for 2010?

I'll tell you how. One day at a time. Let me say it again: ONE. DAY. AT. A. TIME. Sure, tomorrow is a new year, but today is a new day. Make the most of it. Take a baby step toward a goal. Give a new habit one more chance to stick. Climb one step higher up the mountain even if you are afraid of heights.

Life gets too overwhelming for me when i think about committing to something like good health or a human or a house for 30+ years. I don't know about you, but I find thoughts like that paralyzing, and an open invitation for my saboteur to swoop in and show me all the ways I'll screw it up. So stop scaring yourself out of big things. You don't have to do great things all at once, for the rest of eternity. You just have to give it your best shot on any given day. And that day is today.

"Renew thyself completely each day; do it again, and again, and forever again." —Chinese inscription cited by Thoreau in Walden

I'll skip the "be here now" and "be present" cliches and just say this: whether it's a New Years resolution, a big dream, or some other scary endeavor that leaves you feeling vulnerable, uncertain, and maybe even stupid - the only way you will make it is by trusting your gut and taking baby steps. One foot in front of the other. If something scares you, that just means the opportunity is big enough. And that's a great thing.

Stress is caused by having regrets about the past or worrying about the future. Focus on today, and trust that just for today - you can honor yourself and what you really want in this life. And if you stumble? Get back up the next day and keep going. ONE. DAY. AT. A. TIME. Just do me one favor: please remember to laugh and love yourself along the way.

May 2010 bring you ALL a year filled with joy, love and laughter. Cheers!

***

If you are looking for books about how to be more present in everyday life, below are some of my favorites:

Goethe on Seeing the Best in Others

“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. Photo Courtesy of Andreas (Flickr)

I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration; I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.

In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized.

If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.”

—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I am fascinated by human potential. I absolutely believe that if we see the best in others, we bring out the best in others - and in ourselves.

How great does it feel when someone believes in you - and genuinely means it - even after barely meeting you? While there are exceptions (I don't advocate blind trust, for example) - seeing the good in someone can be one of the most powerful gifts in the world. Give it freely.

Visual Miscellaneum Book Giveaway Results

Last week I announced that I'm giving away two copies of the prettiest book that's ever graced my coffee table, The Visual Miscellaneum by David McCandless. I loved your comments! Some of my favorites: VisualMisc

  • Mark KS - Linked to Hans Rosling's TED Talk (uses "cool data tools to show how countries are pulling themselves out of poverty")
  • Ryan - "I'm not sure this book would be suitable for my coffee table which currently features Men's Health, ESPN the Mag, and Maxim Magazine. I can't afford for people to realize I'm a dork - that would totally ruin the image I've so carefully crafted" (I don't know Ryan, I think the cat's already out of the bag...)
  • Kristi R - "I think I might die and go to heaven if I'm ever fortunate enough to get people to send me books for free because I blog." (Yes! It will happen - so set up that blog and send me the link ASAP!)
  • David - "You get nerdier and nerdier every day. The nerdiness never ends. It's hot." (Thank you - I take that as the highest compliment!)
  • Elisa - "Is there a chart in there for dating and love? If someone could break that down into a bar graph or something for me I'd be eternally grateful." (Me too! I'd like some dating/love decision matrices that are masked in pretty colors to make the fact that I'm referencing them less depressing.)
  • Royce - "That book is awesome. Is it nerdy if I would open that book up to appreciate the graphs and images, even if I completely ignored the actual content of those graphs? Too nerdy?" (Never! Nothing is ever too nerdy in my neck of the woods).
  • Catherine - "I like lists, I like random facts, I like to organize, well, just about everything. But, to see such things in pretty graphical form?!? Sounds like my version of nerd heaven!" (Mine too - cheers!)

And without further ado - with screenshots from Random.org - congrats to Valerie M. and Doniree for winning the book giveaway!

Happy Two Year Blogiversary to Life After College!

Just as babies born near Christmas forever have their birthdays lumped in to holiday celebrations, my blog's two year anniversary happens to fall squarely into the annual "best-of blog" posts and year-end reflection round-ups. But such is life! It gives me a great opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. Or should I use a cupcake? I started this website in March of 2006 as a resource for college grads (and as an excuse to practice my new-at-the-time HTML/CSS skills). After letting it sit painfully unfinished for two years, I added the blog in 2007, revamped the look and feel in January of 2008, stumbled around a bit and now FINALLY feel like I've gotten some traction (and beloved readers!) in the last year of blogging in 2009. (Check-out last year's round-up here).

Personal Milestones:

I'm proud to report that in the last year, I successfully completed the following:

Blog Stats:

  • In the last month, I received 7,000+ visits (13,500 page views) from 97 countries - that's double last year's visitor stats.
  • The top two referring keywords are "life after college" (~600 visits this month, not including the hundreds of variations on that query) and - surprisingly - life checklist template (147 visits).
  • My favorite quirky searches that led to my blog are "I don't date," "dating sometimes you just have to go through the bad ones" and "are Harvard graduates really the smartest people in the world?" No - UCLA grads are, obviously!

Blog Features and Accolades:

My Favorite Life After College Posts of 2009:

I've said it before and I'll say it again: THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. Your energy, enthusiasm, support and presence here on Life After College mean the absolute world to me. This blog has changed my life, and you are an enormous part of that. Hugs, kisses and cupcakes all around!

***

Want to stay connected? There are lots of great ways to get in touch with me on social networks: Delicious |  Google Reader | GoodReads | Twitter | 20 Something Bloggers | Brazen Careerist | Facebook | LinkedIn

The Ultimate Eye Candy Book for Nerds: The Visual Miscellaneum (+ Giveaway!)

VisualMiscLadies and gentleman: I present you with The Visual Miscellaneum - a book I want to cuddle with and keep forever. My blog has actually gotten to the point where I have more publicists offering to send books than I have time to review, which for a book worm is pretty cool! But when I heard that David McCandless of InformationIsBeautiful.net had a book coming out - I emailed them asking if I could have a review copy. Even better? I asked for two extras to give away (more details below).

The Visual Miscellaneum is the ultimate eye candy book for nerds - 255 GORGEOUS shiny, colorful pages with the most incredible info-graphics I've ever seen. I know I'm gushing, but this book is AWESOME.

From The Visual Miscellaneum Press Release:

Every day we are bombarded with facts and statistics that quickly become meaningless sound bites amidst the cacophony of the Information Age. It occurred to David McCandless, an award-winning London-based writer and graphic designer, that the best way to absorb this barrage of random information is by visually “mapping” facts in colorful and quirky ways.

The result, The Visual Miscellaneum: A Colorful Guide to the World's Most Consequential Trivia, is a volume like no other: a simultaneously lighthearted and thought-provoking sourcebook to things both serious and goofy.

For amusement and edification, The Visual Miscellaneum compares coffee and cocktail ingredients, online viral videos, the lethality of cosmetic components, and video game sales. If a picture is worth a thousand words, The Visual Miscellaneum is a veritable library of culture, philosophy, spirituality, ecology, society, technology, history, economics, and pop culture.

Want to win a copy? Leave a comment!

When I like something, I tell people about it. When I LOVE something, I praise and promote like nobody's business. Because I think this coffee-table book makes the perfect gift and I know it's exactly the type of thing my readers (you) would love, I asked the publicist if they'd send me two copies to give away. Lucky for us, they said yes! So leave me a comment about your nerdy love for infographics (or anything, really) and I'll pick two winners using Random.org. Comments will close at 7 p.m. on Wednesday, December 18.

Excerpts from the Book - Click image to enlarge in a new window:

Timeline of Global Media Scare Stories

Tons of Carbon Per Year

Women's Fashion "In" Colors by Year

Expanding Happiness: On Fear and Bliss (with notes from Dad!)

Do you ever find yourself in a state so euphoric you feel the urge to immediately bring yourself back down? Snap back to reality before reality has a chance to kick you in the ass and disappoint you? I do. I struggle with appreciating, enjoying and expanding happy moments. Sometimes I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or I immediately remind myself of all the people suffering and why I don't deserve to feel so happy - convinced it will be taken away from me any second now. I'm learning to notice those thoughts and recognize them for what they are - fear. I know I am better than that. My motto is "live big!" - and fear and worry only rob me of that.

I just finished a fantastic book on this subject, The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks, about The Upper Limit Problem - our limited tolerance for feeling good. Hendricks talks about how we shoot ourselves in the foot when we feel ourselves approaching (or God forbid - surpassing) our perceived upper limits of happiness and success.

I'm going to post The Big Leap book notes soon. Today's post actually comes from a place much closer to home - they are excerpts from essays my dad (architect by day, painter/writer/reader/thinker by night) wrote on the subject of Bliss - that wonderful state of transcendent joy, at once elusive and incredibly rewarding. My dad and I had a conversation about The Upper Limit Problem this weekend, and last night I arrived home to find 30-pages of handwritten notes sitting in a manila folder on my doorstep. I'm so excited to share them with you - they are priceless - and no, I'm not just saying that because he's my dad. :)

Jim Blake (my dad!) On Bliss: It takes courage to seek bliss and it takes courage to maintain bliss.

A state of bliss is, by definition, a separation from the norms of social life. It is a standing apart, isolated from the goals of the common, the goals stated and implied of the family, neighborhood, city and nation. Good gets stale quicker than bread. That which is good soon gets old and tired. Don't be surprised when good goes bad. Bliss is dynamic.

Bliss allows you in and takes you for a ride - you want to live with it. Fear is a one-trick pony worth a 15-second glance in a museum - usually over sized - the first trick of missed bliss.

It takes courage to peel away from expectations. It takes courage to maintain a state of blissful separateness, and courage again to share what one brings back from that journey. Harnessing Bliss Take the time to win your private war against your mundane soul. It is a war of daily battles. It is a war won in the trenches With hard work, healthy habits. It is a war won when no one is looking - no one is listening And you have all the time you need to prevail.

The Bliss Crash / The Agony of Bliss 1. It isolates an individual 2. There is always a crash! The agononies and humiliations of loss. The risk of the arena - not knowing the outcome. Bliss is rugged - not gentle. It only looks easy and painless. The price is high (the bliss crash) Loss of bliss - coming down from a bliss state - depression, anxiety, fear, resentment.

The Authority of Bliss People tend to defer to one who has graceful and regular access to the bliss state and it's poetic products - from Joe Montana's superbowl victories to Erik Fischl's seductively superficial brushwork - "they make it look easy" - "they make it look fun."

Unconditional Bliss Find bliss wherever you may be, whatever you are doing, and with whomever you are with. Make the very finest with what you have. You are the sum of your bliss.

I'm running out of cupcakes...

Courtesy of ObsessedWithCupcakes (Flickr) ...to thank you with!

Ryan Stephens just posted his Top 10 Gen Y Blogs list for December, and I am thrilled to say that Life After College is in the number one spot! When my friend Elisa emailed to tell me the news, my heart started pounding. I looked over both shoulders, like "me? really?" and then started jumping up and down like a school girl.

I just wanted to write a quick post to say thank you SO much to all of you for sticking around, reading my blog, and for inspiring me to keep going. Special thanks to everyone who voted too.

I am humbled to be in great company.  If you haven't already, do yourself a favor and check-out the rest of the blogs on the list - they are all worthy of the top spot. I am lucky to call many of these fellow Top 10 bloggers close friends: OwlSparks, Life Without Pants, Sydney: Unfiltered, Life’s Like a Box of Chocolates, Small Hands, Big Ideas, Ophelia’s Webb, Location 180, The Rest is Still Unwritten & Thrilling Heroics.

Finally, here is the great blurb Ryan put together for Life After College (and yes - he really did call to congratulate me "IRL"):

1.) Life After College – Jenny’s mission is to provide simple, practical tips that help you focus on the BIG picture of your life…not just the details. Find tips and resources for life, work, money, happiness, productivity, personal growth and more.

Admittedly, I’ve been anticipating Jenny’s ascension to the top for few months now. I suspect it was only a matter of time. Quickly becoming famous (in our insular world) for her nifty templates/guides, Jenny does so much more. For one, though I haven’t met her I can assure you she’s real (just read the post).

I don’t know if it’s because she gets to hang around smart people at Google all day, but sometimes it just feels like Jenny knows something I don’t (aside from what a red velvet cupcake tastes like). For about 3 seconds it makes me want to live vicariously through her until I read that I should “Stop Audition for Other People’s Lives.” Told you she was smart. Like Sydney, she manages to mix in a few dating posts. But most importantly, she takes great pride in convincing the most charismatic bloggers in the world to guest post for her. (What? My fingers are tired. I deserved that plug!)

Congrats Jenny! And to everyone who made the final Top 10 Gen Y Blog List of the Year (and in this format)! I’m off to call Jenny and congratulate her, seriously.

Virtual hugs and cupcakes to all of you! Thanks again :)

Learn to Love Feedback: It's Your Career Currency

"Never flinch at failure: If you're not making some mistakes, you're not doing anything - not trying to make things happen. Mistakes are part of winning - not dumb mistakes or those caused by haste and sloppiness but mistakes made by intelligent and thoughtful individuals attempting to make something happen."—John Wooden in The Essential Wooden (click here to read my Essential Wooden book notes)

People often seem to feel attacked by feedback, when in reality it's one of the single most effective ways to improve your performance. Wooden's entire philosophy was built around meticulous observation and feedback of the teams he coached. Wooden says, "Perfection is imposible. Capitalizing on imperfection - mistakes - makes all the difference."

For this reason, I think of feedback as career currency - a valuable commodity that can make a big difference in your performance. While feedback can be hard to hear at times, I like to think it shows that person cares about my development - and that's a good thing. I don't want to be the person walking around with proverbial food in my teeth all day, with no one caring enough to point it out.

Your goal should be to collect as many pieces of feedback as you can over the course of your career - from managers AND peers. I believe that the ability to gracefully receive feedback, and subsequently change that behavior, is a key distinguishing factor for star performers. Good feedback will help you improve and adjust to your environment more quickly than you could do on your own - so treat it like gold and grow that bank account!

5 things I've learned about feedback:

  1. Continuous, constructive feedback makes you rich. It accelerates your learning and development and will often lead to improved relationships and potentially faster career progression.
  2. We're often unaware of our own blind spots. For example, imagine yourself as a Starbucks barista: What if you could make a latte twice as fast if someone showed you how? Wouldn't you want to know? You may never have figured out those new techniques without feedback from another observer.
  3. Ask! Let people know that you're open to feedback. Don't argue or get defensive when they do give feedback - just say thank you. You can decide later (on your own time) what you want to take or leave from that feedback.
  4. Give! In the spirit of helping others, practice giving them feedback too. Be specific about behaviors, not just the tasks or the work itself. For example, someone tells you "great presentation!" and another says "Great composure and eye contact during that presentation." Which version would you find more helpful?
  5. Need help delivering clear feedback? Try the EAR formula: Event, Action, Result. For example: During the meeting last week (EVENT), you were biting your nails (ACTION) and the result was that you appeared nervous, which may have left the wrong impression on our clients (RESULT).

How to Start Growing Your Feedback Account

Below is a 4-Step Feedback Recipe from my friends at Rypple (a free web 2.0 feedback service) to help you be more intentional about getting feedback:

  1. Set a goal: what do you want to accomplish or develop? e.g. I want to improve my communication skills.
  2. Build an adviser network: pick a group of advisers who can help you achieve your goal.
  3. Request feedback: ask your advisers short, focused questions, frequently to continuously reveal actionable insights.
  4. Commit to action: ACT on the feedback you get! Sharing those actions with your adviser network will motivate you and keep you on track.

Click here to learn more about Rypple, set-up an advisor network, create a development plan, or start getting feedback!