Eat. Sleep. Yoga. Part Two: Re-Entry.

Re-entering the "real world" after 16-days of actual rainbows and sunshine in Santa Barbara was a major shock to my system, as I alluded to in Part 1:

"I’ve been working harder every day but feeling like I am falling farther and farther behind. I’ve felt exhausted to the core; disappointed and helpless as I watched (mortified and even ashamed at) how quickly the clarity and calm from White Lotus escaped me."

On the first day back I could already feel anxiety pulsing through every vein. My breath was short and I ran around like a maniac all day re-arranging a room in my house (more below) as an avoidance tactic to delay diving into the massive amount of work that had piled up while I was gone.

Ganga and Tracy taught us to breathe - that breath is life - and to treat our whole day as our yoga - but I quickly spiraled into a nervous, compulsive, frenzied state. I wanted so badly to carry that zen, relaxed, peaceful yogini-self with me into my normal life. I wanted to change the way I work and commit to habits that would sustain me over the long-term, especially as I prepare to launch and promote my book next year.

By my second day back I was feeling semi totally panicked about how much I had on my plate. I felt like I was sinking faster by the minute in productivity quicksand. Every day I woke up earlier to start working, but every day I ended farther behind. Balancing a full plate at work, the final-final-final edits of my book and drama over the cover (it goes to press any day now) was wearing on me. Without my full emotional faculties, every text message, phone call, email request and social commitment that piled up felt increasingly suffocating.

By last Friday, I was a total wreck. A hot, hot mess. Case in point: I made myself my first coffee in a loooong time so that I could survive the afternoon slump, then ended up spilling it all over the table five minutes before starting to deliver a three-hour training, eyes still red and puffy from crying hysterically that morning as I was getting dressed for work. Feeling guilty but in survival mode, I regretfully cancelled all weekend plans (again) so I could try to get my life in order (again).

I'm not trying to be dramatic - I know that people have it so much worse than I do. I am ridiculously lucky to have the problems I have (and the unwavering support of my friends and blogger BFF Elisa). At the same time, I am determined to start solving these problems for myself and others who get overwhelmed by the big shoes they are trying to fill.

"Our culture has an excess of doing and a poverty of being" - Ganga White

People often tell me to stop doing so much, to slow down, or to go easy on myself. It sounds so easy. But that doesn't change the number of deadlines at work or with the book, or the number of email requests in my inbox. If I knew how to change the situation, I would. But somehow I keep ending up back here.

Here is my pattern (which may be blindingly obvious to long-time blog readers):

1. Work too hard for too long.
2. Get overwhelmed and resentful.
3. Feel as though I've lost myself.
4. Fall out of sleep and exercise habits that keep me happy and healthy.
5. Get sick and/or break down.
6. Force myself to slow down.
7. Feel guilty about not being able to keep up with all friends in all corners of the world.
8. Gremlin tells me soon I won't even have friends (or blog readers) if I keep complaining about feeling overwhelmed and ditching everyone to go into "emergency mode." (Gremlin also kicks in to tell me not to publish this post because it's too Debbie Downer).
9. Promise to change.
10. Try my very best to actually change and put myself first...
11. Fall back into old habits.
12. Feel like I'm lacking the magic sanity-management skillset that others seem to have.
13. Repeat steps 1-12.

I feel compelled to quote Ganga's wise words once more. This is what I would like to strive for instead of the pattern above:

Sit under the stars with a quiet mind and no goal. Be attentive to all things in life. Honor yourself. Laugh at yourself. Listen to the voice of your own body. Carry joy and light on your path. Listen to the wise, but always question. Truth and love are simple and ever present. —Ganga White, Yoga Beyond Belief: Insights to Awaken and Deepen Your Practice

Even though the first week back was rough, all was not lost.

Here are some positive changes I have made:

• I've gone coffee free (in an effort to get my natural energy back) - I've only had coffee once in two months (to give me a boost for my 5-hour drive back from Santa Barbara). I started cold turkey when I did the Clean Program cleanse about a month ago, and have been really focusing on letting my body return to it's natural energy rhythms. It feels great - I can already tell I am way less tired in the afternoons.
• I have been eating mostly vegetarian, and significantly reduced my dairy intake. This change was inspired by White Lotus where we ate delicious vegetarian meals every day and watched Food, Inc. (an incredibly powerful and shocking movie from Eric Schlosser, author of Fast Food Nation). I also recently read and was encouraged by Michael Pollan's Food Rules: An Eater's Manual. His core principle: "Eat food, not too much, mostly plants." Pollan has two other great books worth checking out: In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto and The Omnivore's Dilemma.
• On my first day back, I gave away my TV (for free!) - I knew it was now or never -- and was curious to see if I could survive without a TV...another seemingly impossible feat. I figure without TV I will be more likely to read, write and think -- all things I could definitely use more of. If I were smarter I would have waited until after football season, but hey -- this might also encourage me to actually leave the house!
• Taught my first (private) yoga class - I am excited about finishing my certification, which means teaching 20 group classes and 5 private sessions (I'll gladly take volunteers if you're in the area!). I successfully fumbled through teaching my first class last weekend, and I know it will only get easier from here. I also really want to make time for my own yoga practice every day - even if it's only 10 minutes. Now if only I could figure out what my recurring dream/nightmare about teaching an unruly yoga class means (twice now I've dreamed about teaching a class that rebels and stops paying attention to me).
• Created an "essential self" sanctuary - this is the change I am most excited about. While at training I found myself longing for a dedicated yoga space. In an "aha moment" I realized that I've used my dining room about once in the last year. I never cook and I never work at the table, so it seems ridiculous to have a whole corner of my house go unused 99% of the time. So on my first day back I spent the whole day re-decorating to create a yoga/reading room with books, magazines, candles and all kinds of zen paraphernalia. I also bought a gratitude journal to keep in there -- before leaving the room, I make a point to write something in it.

BEFORE (the dining room I never used) . . . and AFTER (the yoga zen room!):

All of the great art on the wall is my dad's - online portfolio here.

***

My friend Julie is writing a book on this very subject - navigating work in a 24/7 world. We would both love to hear from you:

What is your biggest challenge in managing your work in the global, digital age? What related problem/s would you want help solving?

Eat. Sleep. Yoga. Part One: White Lotus

I waited a week after returning home to write this post in hopes that putting my experience into words would be a little easier. If anything, it feels harder. The sixteen days felt simultaneously like a lifetime and a fleeting moment. This post feels like a karaoke rendition of my favorite song - there is no way I will do the experience justice, but I'm going to grab the mic and give it a shot anyway.

"It has been said that the highest learning comes in four parts: One part is learned from teachers; another part from fellow students; a third part from self-study and practice; and the final part comes mysteriously, silently, in the due course of time."

—Ganga White (a very wise, humble and hilarious teacher and yoga legend) in his book, Yoga Beyond Belief: Insights to Awaken and Deepen Your Practice

I went skidding into the White Lotus Teacher Training program at 100 miles per hour, tired and burned out, desperate for some quiet time to think and reflect and soul-search.

White Lotus delivered. I am pretty sure I died and went to heaven for 16 days. Studying yoga from sun-up to sun-down, napping, hiking, "cartoon sweating" during intense practices (hi Polly!), dancing to Black Eyed Peas with Ganga and Tracy (our teachers) or doing Intuitive Yoga during others; dedicating an entire afternoon to learning the mechanics of triangle pose or downward dog, eating delicious (mostly vegan) food prepared with love, and forming a yoga family with 30 other kindred spirits -- it all rocked my soul to the core...in the best possible way (my girl Sarah did an awesome job recapping everything).

Three trees (balancing on a rock on the edge of a cliff is harder than you might think):

For those of you who know me well, you know that I don't miss an opportunity to turn major experiences into metaphors for life (see: river rafting, triathlon and marathon). The life lessons I got from yoga teacher training were reminders -- gems that deep down I already knew but that had gotten rusty amidst the whirlwind of life. Below are five of the countless lessons I will take with me from White Lotus.

Five Life Reminders from Yoga Teacher Training

1. Comparison is a losing game - I've said this before, but it bears repeating. Yoga (and life) is not about who can do what better. It is about how you feel on the inside. It is about feeling graceful and powerful; about feeling energy radiating through every pore, shooting out from fingertip to fingertip. All bodies are different. All lives are different. Focus on your lines, your practice, and living with integrity in your own life. Look to others not as a yardstick for comparison, but as an instrument for inspiration - you might be surprised to find you have those same qualities within yourself.

2. "Yoga doesn't 'take time' -- it gives time." This quote is from Ganga's book and it is so true. The things we love don't take time, they give it. Don't "make time" to do the things you love. Do the things you love, and you will find time in new and unexpected places for everything else.

3. The hard work is not in your to-do list. The hard work is in fiercely committing to things that energize and replenish you. Sometimes I feel like I am WORKING SO HARD (a weightlifter on steroids comes to mind) to get everything on my to-do list done. And yet, if I put half as much energy and attention into doing yoga, meditation, and carving out quiet time, I would be so much better off - so much less strain in my life. Feeling happy and balanced takes WORK - it is not easy. I want to focus my "hard work" on the things that really matter in my life - and trust that it will only help the smaller tasks to get done with more clarity and creativity.

4. Pain is an information system. This gem also comes from Ganga who taught us to listen to our pain, which is only trying to help us. Does pressing through the pain make it better or worse? What are the contributing factors? Without pain, we would have no warning system to stop destructive behavior, habits or diseases. What is your pain trying to tell you?

5. Our teachers are all around us. I learned so much from Ganga and Tracy, but also from the 30+ people I spent those 16 days with. I learned from the weather, from the land, and even from my crazy dreams (I was mortified one day after loudly jolting up with a gasp during Savasana while everyone was laying down...I had fallen asleep and was convinced that that a spider was crawling on my face. OOPS.)

Here's a 1-minute video tour of Yurt Village from the first day:

Here is a 1-minute video of me describing a typical day (you may need to turn your volume up - lesson learned that Flip cams have a hard time picking up my 6am whisper voice):

The first week of the rest of my life

I spend so much of my time online, hunched over my desk, buried in computers at Google and at home. Yoga helps me unwind, destress, and connect with myself again. It helps me stand tall and exhale. Becoming a yoga teacher was something I have secretly wanted to do for a long time, but for a while was terrified to admit out loud (for fear of not being ready...or good at it). I can't describe the elation I felt after delivering my 10-minute class (our "final exam") and realizing that I have just kicked a new door of my life wide open.

I'm thrilled to have a way to share the yoga gift - the ongoing, ever-changing alignment of mind, body and spirit - with others. I love having another way to unwind and express myself and physically amidst all of the "brain work." I'm hoping to start teaching workshops for teen girls, and maybe even incorporate yoga classes (and cupcakes!) as part of my book tour. This training came at a perfect time in my life (albeit a busy one), and I can't wait to see where the path will lead.

Stay tuned for part two of this post, where I discuss re-entry after being largely unplugged for two weeks.

Sneak preview: jumping back into the chaos of managing a full-time job at Google while catching up from being gone and balancing the last and final stages of the book project absolutely KICKED MY ASS. Up, down and sideways. I've been a hot emotional mess, working harder every day but feeling like I was (am) falling farther and farther behind. I've felt exhausted to the core; disappointed and helpless as I watched (mortified and even ashamed at) how quickly the clarity and calm from White Lotus escaped me. So more life lessons to follow soon in Part 2...

***

Two more pictures just for fun:

Video Post: Headed out! See you in November...

Happy Fall everyone! First, thank you for the incredibly thoughtful birthday comments on how Life After College has helped or inspired you. I am so humbled. Those comments really were (and continue to be) like little presents landing in my inbox! Reading them all at once brought tears to my eyes, as if the Internet - friends old and new - just reached out and gave me a giant bear hug. I am so lucky. Thank you! A Bon Voyage Video (I know, I'm so dramatic - it's only 16 days)

Starting October 16 I will be living in a yurt, totally unplugged (and that includes coffee) while completing Yoga Teacher Training at the White Lotus Foundation in Santa Barbara -- a major item on my life checklist (blank templates here if you want to create your own.) Below is a short 2-minute video and book update.

Video side note: I meant to say I can't remember the last time I've been unplugged for 16 days in a row. Last time I was gadget-free altogether was for the 5-day yoga/rafting trip in July (see 20 Life Lessons I Learned on the Rogue River).

Quick book update: we're in the home stretch!

On Friday I shipped my full set of (hand-written) edits on the design proof back to Running Press. In case you missed the pictures on Facebook and Twitter, you can get a sneak peek of some of the inside pages here. Next steps are finalizing the cover, and the inside/back cover copy. It is crazy to think that after almost 2 years of working on this book I am in the last 2 weeks of having a say on how it turns out.

It terrifies me a little bit to be away from my email, phone and laptop for so long, especially when I'm in the final two weeks of book edits, but that's exactly why this trip will be a much-needed getaway. I'm as excited about learning how to slow down as I am about deepening my yoga practice and learning how to teach (hoping to work with teen girls someday soon, just like my girl Doniree).

Want to know more about the book process? Read about my fears, insecurities, general neurosis and exciting developments in my Inside Scoop book updates archive -- there is a box to subscribe on the left.

Join the Life After College Party Train

While I'm gone, consider connecting with me elsewhere! Here are lots of great ways:

• Subscribe to my new YouTube channel: It's about time I ate my Google dog food and switched all of my videos over from Viddler.
• Like Life After College? Join me on Facebook...although I'm still learning how to make that page special (compared to every other online hub)
• Want the Inside Scoop on the book project? Subscribe to my monthly-ish book newsletters -- chock full of updates, quotes and resources.
• Subscribe to the blog via email or RSS
• Follow me on Twitter @Jenny_Blake
• Be my bookworm buddy: check-out the books I'm reading (and reviewing) on GoodReads

See you all in early November! Watch lots of football, carve a few pumpkins, drink coffee, crunch some leaves and eat lots of yummy cupcakes for me while I'm gone. :)

***

P.S. Please help my awesome friend Elisa land a writing gig with your vote! You don't even need to register or sign-up :) Since I will be away from my computer, I can't support her with votes every day the way that I would want to. Would you sub for me by voting here? Thank you!

Twenty Seven + A Small Request

Twenty-seven, y'all. Not twenty-one (woo! Vegas!), not 25 (hello quarter-life crisis), but twenty-SEVEN. And yes I am still blogging about life after college, because I hereby grant that term an extension to include the rest of my life. I don't usually make a big deal out of my birthday, so I feel a little silly about posting something today. But I'd like to put together a rotating testimonial blurb, inspired by my genius blogger-turned-BFF friend Elisa, and I'm wondering if you can help. (I also just couldn't resist posting this adorable picture.)

If Life After College has inspired or helped you in some way, would you leave me a comment describing how? Specific stories, big things, small things, you name it - l love it. I saw Ramit do this on his blog, and I immediately knew it would be the best birthday gift I could ever ask for.

Let me also take this chance to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here. You are all rock stars, and I'm lucky to get to share this corner of the Internet with you. Cupcake cheers all around! :D

***

To celebrate I'm taking a burlesque dance class (first time - can't wait!), then headed off on a weekend getaway with two of my closest friends. Might take me a little while to reply to your comments, but as always - I read and cherish every single one.

Overwhelmed by Your Inbox? The Case for Email Parties

This is a re-post of an article I was recently featured in, written by my friend and productivity guru Pierre Khawand at People OnTheGo.

“People get out of balance when they see their value as being able to respond quickly. If I see myself as a machine for answering email, then my work life would never stop because my email never stops. If instead I see my value as separating the important from the unimportant and making good decisions on the important, then I can go home at a reasonable hour, spend time with my family, ignore my email and phone messages all weekend long, and make sure that when I return to work, I am in the right mood to make the good decisions.”

—Peter Norvig, Director of research at Google (Interview in Your Value Is In Deciding What’s Important, Not Answering Email, Lifehacker - Sept 2010)

Do you find the e-mail overload "suffocating"? An e-mail "party" can help and the 5 ingredients to get you there

Julie & Jenny, both very active and in leadership roles at their company and both having to deal with loads of e-mail messages constantly pouring into their inboxes, get together regularly not just to have friendly chats, but for something more drastic which they refer to as an e-mail "party." It is a get-together that is focused on processing their e-mail messages, but only after creating the right atmosphere to make this a fun activity. "Fun?" You might ask. Well, keep on reading.

"The party usually starts with venting" said Julie, and sometimes it might involve some wine but it certainly has to involve chocolate, she indicated later. "E-mail is a suffocating activity " she added, so doing it alone may not exactly be motivating or even possible, however doing this with a friend while enjoying some treats and nice exchanges seems to turn this activity into one that is digestible or even enjoyable!

The e-mail party seems to involve these main ingredients:

1. Companionship: Having someone with you. Creating the feeling of togetherness. You are not alone in this!
2. Conversation: It is not just about being together, but also sharing observations, insights, and even "venting" as Julie put it.
3. Immediate gratification: The wine, chocolate and bad reality TV definitely help. Brainstorm whatever makes you comfortable and willing to undertake the challenge.
4. Focus: It sounds contradictory to be having conversations and rewards and yet be mentioning focus. However, the e-mail party does have one core purpose, and that is going through and processing e-mail. The rest is designed to help stay focused on this purpose.
5. Clear destination: The goal is to have an empty inbox and feel good about it. Not to mention stay on top of things, give people the answers they need, and help move important issues forward.

What an innovative way to turn a task that can be challenging or mundane into something to look forward to and enjoy! Maybe it is time you try it. Stop looking at these hundreds of messages in your inbox and dwelling about them and have a party!

***

P.S. I made my first TV appearance last week! It was a 30-minute interview for my friend Gopi's local TV Show, Change Makers. (Gopi wrote the guest post here called "How I Outsource My Life to Over 13 People." I will share the video when it becomes available; in the meantime, here are some behind-the-scenes pictures of the taping:

Are You Living For Vacation? 5 Tips to Improve Your Life *Now*

Are you living for vacation? I was. At least I was until last week, when I realized I either had four weeks to be miserable until my next vacation or four weeks to do something about the fact that I was spreading my low energy and bad moods around like an infectious disease.

In three weeks, I will be headed off the grid again for a 16-day yoga teacher training program in Santa Barbara. I'm excited about this for more reasons than I can count, but at the top of my list: deepening my yoga practice, learning how to teach yoga (I would love to work with teen girls one day), and taking 16-days to myself as I live in a yurt, unplugged, eating well and taking care of myself.

You might think I'm crazy for signing up for this amidst everything else I have going on (and wiping out all remaining vacation days), but to me it's one of those soul-stirring things that I felt compelled, deep in my gut, to pursue. (The decision itself was featured in a great post from the fabulous Susan Biali in Psychology Today: Shackles or Soul-Stirring? Decide Before You Commit.)

Signed up...and Ready to Run

As soon as I paid the deposit, I started desperately counting the days until I could run away again. Shut down my computer and my to-do lists and the pressure to say yes or no to things, and just go on my merry yurt-living way. I watched my energy tank drain itself empty, day after day, as I fell off the workout wagon, ate more desserts than I care to admit, and could barely find the motivation to get dressed in the morning. I wasn't sleeping through the night any more, and I had almost no energy. I kept desperately screaming to myself, "THIS YOGA TEACHER TRAINING CAN'T COME SOON ENOUGH!!!" and wondering why it still felt so. damn. far. away.

And then it hit me. I could either live like a zombie until vacation, or identify the benefits I was expecting and find a way to start doing them before even making it down to Santa Barbara.

A quick aside: I realize that I am lucky enough to have this problem. I am lucky to have cool things keeping me busy, a job in the first place, and lucky to even have a vacation on the horizon. But I still learned a few things that I hope you can benefit from.

Living for Vacation? 5 Tips to Improve Your Life Now

1. Make a list of the expected benefits of your vacation. In my case I want to feel more relaxed, eat healthier, move my body more, study something I am passionate about, unplug, and have an "excuse" to say no to all of the things I don't want to do (even though I know in reality I shouldn't need one -- see tip #4).
2. For each benefit, brainstorm five ways you could achieve that effect between now and your vacation. You might even split a piece of paper into two columns - listing the benefits on the left, and your brainstorm for each one on the right.
3. Take a weekend off. I had the most glorious day on Sunday because I had NO plans. I hid away in my condo and just read the newspaper, sat on my patio, read books, did some writing, and did some work. I had nowhere to be until 6pm and I felt so relieved not to be bouncing around chasing after various plans and errands. Even if you can't take a vacation (or your next one isn't for a while), create space for a little staycation day or weekend.
4. Ask yourself: What am I avoiding? What are you hoping that vacation will fix or give you an excuse for, that you don't feel permission to do now? In my case it's saying no to things. I keep waiting for vacation so I can say, "Sorry! I'm out of office!" but in reality I need to start saying no NOW to being over-committed.
5. Give yourself a short-term goal and set-up a reward to look forward to when you complete it. What is one thing you can aim for this week to start improving your life now, even before any upcoming trips? Maybe it's getting back to the gym, or maybe it's finishing a big project at work. Your goal doesn't have to be huge or overly difficult - it just has to give you something to work toward in the short-term. And don't forget to reward yourself when you complete it! After all, indulgence is half the fun of a vacation :)

So how have I changed since my aha moment last week? I'm on Day 8 of a crazy-sounding cleanse (no coffee, no alcohol, no wheat, no dairy, no beef, no SUGAR (!!), no eggs) -- something I used to think would be more impossible than running a marathon -- and I've never felt better. I'm going to bed earlier, I'm working out again, and I'm saying no to most requests between now and my trip.

By the time I show up for training in Santa Barbara, I won't NEED it so much. I will actually be able to enjoy it.

***

So how about you? What do you do when you find yourself living for vacation?

The Holstee Manifesto: This is Your Life.

This image, taken from the Holstee company manifesto, is making its way around the Internet and I love it so much I couldn't help but re-post here. Apologies if you've already seen it a few times...but then again, it seems like the kind of message that we can never hear too much.

***

And now for last week's contest winners (drumroll please):

• The Art of Non-Conformity book giveaway - congrats to Akhila who won the random drawing! To everyone else - I highly recommend buying yourself a copy - at $7.99 on Amazon, it's a steal.
• PrintRunner.com business cards - (with five sets of 500 to give away and 26 comments the odds were good!) Congrats to...
  • Esther B
  • Marian Schembari
  • Andre Willis
  • Bruce Smith
  • Suki
  • And a bonus: I'm giving away my set of 1,000 to a sixth lucky (random) winner - Felice Lam!

Life After College Giveaway Week (Part Two)

Thanks to everyone who commented on Tuesday's post to win a free copy of Chris Guillebeau's book, The Art of Non-Conformity. I've been really energized by reading about everyone's big goals - kudos for sharing them with me and the world!

Speaking of big goals, you might remember Stacyann who wrote asking for advice on how to fund her big dream of attending SXSWi next year. Since that post she has set-up a SmartyPig Account (social savings) and started working on her side hustle by joining a focus group. I admire her willingness to put a big goal out there, ask for help, and immediately start taking steps to make it happen.

With that, giveaway week continues!

Giveaway #3 - 5 sets of 500 Business Cards from PrintRunner.com

Thanks to a giveaway on Kristen's Ramen Noodles, Rent and Resumes site, I won 1,000 free business cards a few weeks ago. I asked Grace at PrintRunner.com if I could transfer the prize to one of my readers, and she said no need! She'll donate 5 sets of 500 cards to the Life After College fun cause.

• How to Enter: Pretend you get to quote your favorite movie line on the back of your business card. Leave me a comment by Sunday, September 19 with what the line would be, and I'll pick five winners via Random.org.*
• My lines: "You're so money baby, and you don't even know it" (Swingers - YouTube Clip) or "MOM! THE MEATLOAF!" (from Wedding Crashers, for no good reason other than that scene always sends me into side-splitting laughter)

*Official rules/legal jargon: one entry per person, open to U.S. residents online, must be 18 and over and not an employee or relative of an employee of PrintRunner LLC, no purchase necessary.

Giveaway #4 - Free Health & Nutrition Consultation with Megan Serow

Megan is a co-worker and former coaching client who is now kicking-ass and building her own side hustle. Megan is finishing up holistic health counseling certification, which takes into account total wellness in mind and body instead of focusing solely on nutrition. Her goal is to do 20 free health consultations in the next 3 months. She also started a blog that provides recipe and wellness ideas for busy 20-somethings and cooking novices.

• Learn more and schedule: You can find free recipes and wellness tips at CityGirlsKitchen.com, and email her at megan@citygirlskitchen.com to set up a free health consultation.
• Other fun food blogs: Lauren Hannah's recently launched Nomists.com, Doniree's Nomadic Foodie, visual recipes from Recipics.com (via Elysa's GenPink blog), and Grace's recommendation: Sunday Suppers.

That's it for now -- have a great weekend everyone!

Life After College Giveaway Week FTW!* (Part One)

I'm excited today. I have free stuff to give away to you wonderful people this week, and that just makes me really happy! I also want to express a very heartfelt thank you for all of the love you poured into this corner of cyberspace in response to last week's Open Letter to Love post. I published on Tuesday night (waking up to nervously edit at 3am) thinking I'd want to hide under the covers all day dodging verbal "you're gonna be a crazy cat lady!" stones (okay, so that's a slight exaggeration but I was feeling quite vulnerable). Instead, you completely lifted me up once again and reminded me that I have the best readers on the planet.

And so, my friends, I am thrilled to share some free stuff as a token of my appreciation! So let's get it on. Err, get on with it.

Giveaway #1 - Drawing for a copy of Chris Guillebeau's new book, The Art of Non-Conformity: Set Your Own Rules, Live the Life You Want, and Change the World

"When faced with uncertainty about taking a leap of faith, take the leap. You'll regret the things you didn't do much more than anything you did, so you might as well try new things." —Excerpt from Chris's book

Note: This book review is going to be VERY biased, because it is hard for me to put into words how much Chris means to me as a friend and mentor.

Two years ago, when my parents and friends were my only blog subscribers and I had no clue how to ask for a mentor, Chris (whose blog was one of the first I ever followed) sent me a note and told me he wanted to be the founding member of the Jenny Blake Advisory Board.

I (figuratively) looked over both shoulders and thought...who, me?! I was so blown away that I barely knew how to accept his generous offer. Many "big fish" will kindly help or advise when you ask them to. Few go out of their way to proactively make it happen the way Chris did.

Since that time, Chris has been a great resource and supporter for me and countless others. His generosity and commitment to his "small army of remarkable people" is unwavering. After I signed my book contract, I came home to find four-dozen cookies delivered via UPS, addressed to "Author Jenny Blake." He makes himself available for book questions in the middle of his ridiculously awesome book tour, and continues to be a model for authentic, kick-ass living.

Chris's book, which shot up to #8 on Amazon during its debut last week, delivers straightforward and inspiring advice to help you "live on your own terms" and "embrace life as a constant adventure." As the very smallest token of my appreciation, I bought an extra copy of Chris's book to give away to one of you.

• How to Enter: Leave a comment with a big goal or life dream by the end of the day on Friday, September 17, and I'll pick a winner via Random.org by early next week.
• More awesomeness from Chris (disclaimer - these are affiliate links):
  • Empire Building Kit (Fantastic nuggets of wisdom about building your own business - delivered daily)
  • Unconventional guides
  • Two priceless FREE manifestos of greatness: A Brief Guide to World Domination and 279 Days to Overnight Success

Giveaway #2 - Free 60 Minute Coaching Sessions with the Fabulous ChaChanna Simpson

ChaChanna is an inspiration to me and one of my first friends in the blogosphere. She runs Twentity.com, is the author of her own Life After College book, and is in the process of completing coach training.

ChaChanna is working on a goal to do 50 free sessions over the next three months (ambitious and awesome!) - and I couldn't be happier to help out. The way I see it, it's a win/win - ChaChanna gets closer to her goal, and you get free coaching! She says, "If you are willing to stretch yourself to create the life you want, the relationship you want, and the career you want, I can help you close the gap between the life have and the one you really want."

• How to sign-up: If you're interested in signing up for a free 60 minute coaching session, email chachanna@twentity.com

Stay tuned for two more giveaways in Part Two of this post...coming later this week!

***

*FTW means "For the Win" in geeky Internet speak. Incidentally, it does not mean a triumphant "F*** the World!" as I used to incorrectly believe.

An Open Letter to Love: It's Not You, It's Me.

Dear Love, I think we should take a break.

I find myself bumping into you in all the wrong places. I know people and books say you are everywhere, but for some reason I keep wanting what I can't have. And I don't want that.

It's not you, it's me. I just want to relax and appreciate the fact that I am single and have the freedom to do whatever I'd like. I'm tired of wondering why I am not in a relationship and wishing things were different, but then getting scared when I think they might be. Please just let me love my friends and my family and my dog and puppies and the sky cam...and let that be enough. Enough.

I'm also tired of people troubleshooting, advising and analyzing me (I'm as guilty of this as anyone). Single is not a disease that needs to be cured. It is not a problem that needs to be fixed.

I've read book after book after book after book on dating and relationships, and they are driving me crazy. It's like self-analysis and dating experts are competing to see who can drive me insane first.

While I appreciate the wisdom behind it all, I am tired of the endless stream of paradoxical clichés:

• You will find someone when least expect it or when you aren't looking / You have to be proactive and put yourself out there
• You have to appear available / Don't come across as desperate
• You have to get clear on what you want / Maybe you shouldn't be so picky
• You have to look inward, fix your issues, and love yourself completely / Nobody is perfect. Don't be so hard on yourself.
• You're too busy; you have to make room in your life / Get out there and do activities you enjoy, pursue things you are passionate about
• And on....and on....and on.

So with all due respect Love, I would love if you could just give me some space. Let me enjoy my time alone without looking for you.

Here's to being single & fabulous & perfectly lonely, Jenny

***

“We do not write in order to be understood; we write in order to understand.” —C.S. Lewis

This post was a tough one for me to hit "publish" on -- I feel all exposed and sort of want to run for cover, but my desire to be honest with you has won out. That said, for fear of over-analyzing things too much I may not reply to every comment (though I really value what you have to say and will read every single one). I hope you understand.  :)

Live for the Dip

 

I gave my first talk on goal-setting at a bookstore last week and I bombed. My friends and family might tell you otherwise...and several people said afterward that they really got something out of it, but in my heart and gut I know that I bombed. No amount of excuses - tired, busy, just starting out - could make up for how lame I felt. And by lame, I mean totally and utterly disappointed in myself.

Within 10 minutes of starting, as the camera man was throwing things at the store owner to get his attention, I started sweating and stuttering and wishing I could just quit. Stop mid-sentence and sprint toward the door. How the hell am I going to do this for 45 more minutes? I felt like a bumbling idiot at best and a disorganized motivational hack at worst.

Even after 5 years of training at Google and "faking it til I make it," I've never been more uncomfortable at the front of a room. That feeling usually goes away within five minutes. It didn't go away this time. I was laid out in the bottom of a dip and I knew it.

Live for the Dip...It Means You Are on Exactly the Right Track

"Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life." —Sophia Loren

If you've ever pursued a big goal that took many months (or years) of commitment or tried learning a new complex skill, you have almost surely experienced the dip. The drop in motivation. The feeling of being totally frustrated and ready to give up at any minute. When you're in the dip, you question whether this effort is even worth your time, and whether you are capable of achieving it.

The dip sucks the fun out. It waves the "how bad do you want this" flag and your demons tell you life would be easier if you just quit...that you could avoid all this discomfort by just walking away. But you know that's not true. You know there's light at the end of the tunnel, you just don't know how long it will take to get there.

The dip is usually unavoidable. It doesn't mean you've done something wrong, it actually means you are on exactly the right track. I've started repeating the phrase, "live for the dip" to myself and my coaching clients, because I've realized that hitting the dip is not something to avoid, it is a milestone worth celebrating. It feels uncomfortable, but it is necessary in order to move forward. Seth Godin published a book on this topic, but I prefer to reference a diagram I learned in many years of working in Training and Development:

Levels of Learning - The Conscious Competence Matrix

• Unconscious incompetence - You don't know what you don't know (ignorance is bliss)
• Conscious incompetence - The dip! You suddenly become aware of how much you have to learn. You might feel dumb, incompetent, frustrated or discouraged as you realize you need more skills, time or practice in order to move forward.
• Conscious competence - You've started to master the new skill, but you still have to actively think about whether you are doing it right.
• Unconscious competence - You don't even have to think about it any more - the new skill comes naturally and/or finishing the goal becomes completely do-able. This is really the fun part, where you are flowing and "in the zone."

This model applies to many different situations. A few examples:

• Learning a new skill - if you weren't born with it, you almost always have to go through a phase of being a total beginner. You have to crawl before you can walk.
• Pursuing a long-term goal - when the adrenaline and excitement wear off at the start of a big goal, you'll often get hit by reality where you realize how challenging the pursuit of this goal will actually be.
• Athletic Events - Marathon runners often hit "the wall" where they simply can't imagine running another 100 yards, let alone finish the entire 26.2 (my wall lasted seven excruciatingly boring miles from 17-23).
• In relationships - you often have to have your first fight and work through it successfully in order to take your relationship to the next level.

Celebrate the Dip - A Few Words of Encouragement

• Big goals aren't handed to you. You have to earn them.
• If it is anything worth doing, you will hit a dip.
• The dip is the toll you cross, the dues you pay.
• You will want to give up.
• You will question yourself.
• You will feel uncomfortable.
• You will want to fling yourself back into your comfort zone, but you won't.
• You will push through it.
• And as much as it might suck, celebrate as you wade your way through the dip.
• Live for the dip.
• Laugh when you can; cry, scream or vent if you need to; and know that you'll emerge stronger on the other side. Dragon slayed. Finish line in sight. Big dream conquered.

***

P.S. I'm going to be representing Gen Y on an upcoming panel discussion called Generations in the Workplace. The webinar will be held on Thursday, Sept. 9 at 12:00 p.m. PST. Click here to sign-up -- I'd love to "see" you there.

P.P.S. Hopefully I won't bomb this one :)

Reader Q&A: How Can I Finance SXSW (my big, scary goal)?

With South-by-Southwest panel submitters campaigning for the popular vote, SXSWi has definitely been a hot topic of conversation (at least among us online nerds) in recent weeks. A reader sent me an email asking if I had any ideas for how she could make her big goal of attending happen, and I thought others might benefit from the response (which could apply to all goals with a financial component). I also know that my readers (ahem, YOU) are some of the most encouraging, brilliant people I know. If you have extra ideas please share your two cents in the comments!

As a quick aside: please take a moment to support my Big, Scary, Hairy Goal of speaking at SXSW by voting for my panel, "Got 99 Problems But a Blog 'Aint One" (from blog-to-book: how to pursue a traditional publisher) by this Friday, August 27. You do need to create a free account to vote...so thank you in advance! I'll be so excited (albeit terrified) if the powers-that-be actually choose my panel...

Without further ado...StacyAnn's Question:

Hi Jenny,

I'm writing to ask about a goal that I have set for myself. I know you routinely give great advice on goal setting. My goal is to attend SXSW in 2011. However I fear this is not a practical goal and Suze Orman would probably deny me since I'm currently campaigning for a new job. How do balance an experience goal vs a stuff goal?  What about balancing feelings that you will have to push your goal back?  Finally do you have any tips on making SXSW more affordable?  I couldn't find any posts on this topic.

Thank you, Stacyann

My Response:

Hi Stacyann,

I think it's AWESOME that you've set a goal to attend SXSW in 2011, and you're not alone in needing to figure out how to raise the money for it (I have lots of blogger friends in the same boat). If you are excited and energized by the goal and it's important to you, Suze Orman would definitely give you the go-ahead, she would just tell you to make smart choices about how you get there (ie don't go into debt). When a goal is really "soul-stirring" (a term coined by Tim Gunn), you can almost always find a way to make it happen. That said, if you end up having to push it back, don't beat yourself up over it.

Here's what I would do:

• Research: Figure out exactly how much money you would need to attend (hotel, conference pass and daily expenses)
• Make your goal clear: Write it as a question at the top of a sheet of paper: "How can I raise $X between now and Y-DATE to attend SXSW 2011?" Then brainstorm for 30 minutes -- or until you reach 50 ideas.
• Get motivated: Make a list of reasons that it's important to you to attend (just part of getting the motivation you'll need to pursue the goal)
• Brainstorm ways to cut costs: See if you can stay with a friend or a friend-of-a-friend in Austin - that would cut costs way down. Brazen Careerist and 20-Something Bloggers also have sub-groups for SXSW - I'd join those and see if other bloggers are looking for roommates.
• Cost-cutting part two: Look at your last two credit card statements (I use Mint.com) and see what you could cut between now and next March to save money. If you really want to get serious, set-up a side account and have money direct-deposited every month between now and then (I use INGDirect)
• Brainstorm ways to raise money: Do you have any ways of making extra income between now and then? Babysitting, tutoring, consulting, etc.
• Ask for help: Put out a call to your network - consider starting a Smarty Pig account to raise money. You might also ask for contributions for Christmas (or a birthday if you have one between now and then).

Good luck!! I know you can do this -- and you'll have such a blast. Austin is awesome, and the people who go are so smart and so much fun. You'll have to keep me posted on your big goal!

Jenny

***

I'd love for you to chime in since nothing beats crowd-sourced wisdom: do you have any other ideas or words of encouragement for Stacyann (or others) raising money for a Big, Scary, Hairy Goal?

I'm Sorry I've Been MIA (& Links Galore)

I feel like I just sent myself to my room: GROUNDED due to blog neglect. And don't come out until you are ready to apologize! So here I emerge, tail between my legs, with a bit of an apology. See, even if you didn't really notice or didn't really care, I know that I've been neglecting you these last few weeks. I haven't been living up to the high standards and twice-weekly publishing schedule I try to uphold on this blog. Because I don't want to waste your time with sub-par content, I end up not publishing anything at all, even though I have so much I want to say and share.

The truth is that I've been overwhelmed (AGAIN). Contrary to popular belief (at least based on a handful of humbling and incredibly nice emails I have received recently), I do NOT have it all figured out. "It" being this magical place where accomplishment AND inner peace co-exist, where I seamlessly balance life's demands while walking a tightrope of my own expectations, and where I pay-close-enough-attention-to-but-somehow-don't-over-feed my crazy emotions that seem to run amok every day.

So I have been prioritizing the book, my day job, my sleep and my sanity over just about everything else. I haven't been writing as much as I would like, responding to emails in a very timely way, commenting on other blogs, tweeting or really upholding my end of the social media bargain. But we all need a break sometimes (or a turtle shell to hide under), and this has been mine.

That is not to say I haven't been thinking about you. Drumroll, please! Enter THE MOST RANDOM POST OF ALL TIME.

Things I've been wanting to ask/say/share these last few weeks:

1. I would love your support for my SXSW Panel - I'm pretty much scared shitless to even tell you about this panel (let alone lead it), which is why I know it's important that I do. I submitted a proposal to speak at SXSWi (tech-geek heaven) called "Got 99 Problems But a Blog Ain't One" to help bloggers understand what it takes to get a book deal even without a gigantic platform (much like my inside scoop book newsletters). In order to have a shot at presenting, I need your help -- will you vote for my idea if you think it's a good one (even if you're not attending)?
2. If I Had Known Just One Thing E-Book - I'm a contributor in the free career-related e-book compiled by Shane Mac called "If I had known just one thing." You can either download the book as a PDF, or navigate through the fancy HTML pages (using your arrow keys). My submission is called "Don't Wait."
3. Book Photo Voting & Contest Winner - Thank you SO much for the comments and votes. I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to reply to your comments, but I read every single one and appreciated them so much -- you have no idea. I still haven't decided which picture I'm going with; the popular vote seems to be for photo #2, but I might just be leaning toward #1 (both need a closer crop). And (drumroll again) the winner of the first-ever-giveaway of my own book is Sneha -- congrats! The book is in the mail (and by mail, I mean off to the copy-editor for the final round of edits. Eek!)
4. Career Moxie BlogTalk Radio Guest Spot - I speak with hosts Tiffany and Allison about why you don't need an official mentor (and share what inspired me to write my book). The show is about 30 minutes long, and covers how to create informal mentoring relationships and how to find mentors in unexpected places.
5. Psychology Today article mention - Speaking of mentors, one of my favorite people, Susan Biali, recently wrote an article for Psychology Today based on conversations we've had recently about time management, saying no, and taking care of ourselves. The article is called, "Shackles or soul-stirring? Decide before you commit." The part where she quotes my email response as "Eeeeeeeeeee!!!" cracked me up. Guilty as charged :)
6. Hosted Pam Slim for an Authors@Google Talk - I was very excited to host Pam (another role model who blogs at Escape From Cubicle Nation and has a book of the same name), for an Authors@Google event earlier this month. She makes a case for building a "side hustle" (either within your company or outside if it) as a critical part of being successful in the workforce. Check-out the 45 minute video (with a short intro from yours truly).
7. Coaching update - after 2.5 years, 115 training hours, 100+ 1:1 coaching hours, 9 supervised calls, a written exam, an oral exam, and 2 major 3-month long "I'm not cut out for this" dips, I am now a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC)!

Just for Fun:

• Check out these AWESOME retro aprons from Cupcake Provocateur (sent by my fabulous friend Jenny Ferry)
• Want a song with so much bass it will make your butt vibrate when you listen in the car? Download Bassnectar's Bass Head
• Need some inspiration? Check out 10,000 Ideas and Resources for Writers
• I was honored to be a guest speaker with Merlin Mann at an ASAE event this week. Check out an awesome talk he recently gave at Rutgers on Time & Attention.

Blog Posts I've Loved Recently:

• Andrew Weitsman's "Time Enough for a Life"
• Danielle LaPorte's "Your Permission Slip from the Universe"
• Elisa Doucette's "There is a Time for Everything"
• Derek Shanahan's "A Day in the Life"
• David's transcription of an awesome "How to be Alone" video on YouTube by Tanya Davis
• Ben's "Energy Bankrupt"
• Doniree's "Input-Output and a Calm Presence"
• Chelsea's "Wrestling My Muse into Submission is like fighting a RABID. DOG."
• And finally, congrats to Ryan who just landed an awesome new gig in Kansas City and Grace on her 2-year blogiversary!

Words of Wisdom from a Recent TUT's Notes from the Universe:

You're the only person who knows what's right for you. The only one. And if you already know what this is, commit to it. If you don't, commit to nothing.

Only you know, The Universe

That's it for now...I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your week! I'm off to continue my search for a life filled with rainbows and unicorns. Or just watch some so-bad-it's-GOOOOD reality TV.

I'd love your input: Which picture for the back cover of the book?

Exciting times, my friends! I just got back from L.A. where I took author portraits at my alma mater (Go Bruins!) with my mom's childhood friend --  photographer Mark Hanauer. I am also working on cutting the draft of my book down to 300 pages (from 450), per my editor's request. Next steps are copy-editing and cover design...eeee! Want to know more? Follow more detailed book updates by joining my monthly-ish "Inside Scoop" book newsletter. Back Cover Photo - Share Your Two Cents!

I tend to be indecisive, so I put my two favorite pictures up for a Facebook vote on Friday...but the results were pretty split (thanks to everyone who already chimed in!). I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments -- which picture do you think is a better fit for the back of the book? Both pictures can be cropped in closer. I want to come across as relatable...and telepathically inspire people to actually buy a copy :)

And just for fun, I'll use Random.org to pick a winner from the comments and you'll get a signed copy when it comes out next March (that is the first time I've mentioned giving away a copy of MY OWN book...what a trip!). Just make sure you weigh in by Friday, August 13.

"Behind the Scenes" Videos from Picture Day

Guest appearances (in no particular order) by my brother Tom, his girlfriend Gil, the photographer Mark, and Chantal Moore, the fabulous makeup artist. Note: The videos are awkwardly tall (and unedited) - taken on my brother's iPhone 4.

• Video 1 - Makeup and an intro to Shaq the dog
• Video 2 - "Feels like a little slice of heaven"
• Video 3 - Introductions (how you know you've made it into the inner circle)
• Video 4 - Walking down Royce Hall for that windblown look :)

***

P.S. I'm also excited to share the launch of DoesNot.com from another family friend, Bob Gordon, a lawyer and fellow Bay Area resident. Bob has been part of a team working on this website for over 15 years. It's super interactive and the purpose is to "enhance creativity, self worth and empowerment among youth" through 8 interactive environments. Artists can upload their own videos to share with friends, and users can download and remix songs they like. Check it out if you get a chance!

A Little Slice of Heaven: 20 Life Lessons I Learned on the Rogue River

If pictures speak 1,000 words, I'll let the first one in this post express the total calm and beauty I experienced on my river trip last week. I loved every unplugged second of it. Great food & guides (thank you Echo!), great people, great yoga, and endless little moments of laughter, connection and perfect weather. But the best part of all was letting myself roam completely free for an entire week. No to-dos, no make-up, no emails, no gadgets, no worries. It was truly a vacation for the soul.

Which brings me to this blog post. You know how much I love metaphors as life lessons (some favorites: domesticating jaguars, lifting the oars, panicking during a triathlon & living a sandboxed life); I couldn't help but gather 20 gems from my week-long river rafting trip (with my friend Julie's help during our drive home). I've only just scratched the surface - I'm sure there are dozens (if not hundreds) of other little life lessons that could be gleaned from the experience, so feel free to add others you can think of in the comments!

20 Life Lessons I Learned on the Rogue River

1. Contrast makes the world go 'round. The crazy, hectic lives we lead back home made relaxing on the river incredibly fulfilling. Also: squatting to pee and finding a dying bee in my mop of river-dreadlocked hair gave me an entirely new appreciation for toilets and warm showers. And this, my friends, is why contrast makes the world go 'round. Highs and lows, happiness and sadness, the comforts of city life versus life stripped to the essentials are what keep things exciting.
2. It's a lot harder to paddle back upstream than it is to just keep moving forward. No matter how much you may want a do-over for the rapids in your life, you've got to just keep moving. What's done is done. Find your place back in the current and let the river take you forward. And if you are going to paddle upstream, make sure it's for a good reason (like helping a friend), because it's a helluva lot of work.
3. Sometimes you have to cut your baggage loose to get unstuck. On Day 3 one of the boats got caught in an "aggrivated perch" on a challenging Class 4 rapid where the force of the water held the boat locked against a giant rock. The only way for the two guides in the boat to set it free was to literally start cutting bags loose since they were anchoring the boat in the wrong direction. Finally, after freeing a few big bags and the coffee maker, the guides were able to wrest the boat free from the rocks. What baggage do YOU need to cut loose in order to keep moving?
4. Sometimes you stand up with a stick in your ass. Literally. Have a good laugh and carry on with your day. This is probably TMI, but after peeing in the woods one day, I stood up and realized there was a stick caught between my cheeks. Stop laughing...it happens, okay?!?! I had a good hearty laugh and realized it was oh-so-metaphoric for all those days we wake up on the wrong side of bed. You might not have put the stick there, but you do have the power to take it out.
5. There's no point in suffering from heat-stroke on a hot day if you have an entire river below you. JUMP IN! Sometimes I think we let ourselves get so hot, sweaty and miserable in our lives that we forget the answer to our problems can be right beneath our feet. For a day on the river, there's nothing a jump into refreshingly cold water can't fix. For a day off the river, look for those obvious opportunities to let loose or feel better. They are everywhere if you just open your eyes and look around.
6. Sometimes the unexpected swim (after falling out of a kayak while going through a rapid) is even better than the ride you planned. Live for the unexpected adventures in your life. Let your mistakes be a part of the fun. Sometimes they are the best part.
7. In moments of panic, don't jump ship right before a big rock. One of the kids on our trip was planning to go through a rapid on the inner tube. Right as he approached a big rock (that the tube would've bounced off of), his eyes got wide and he panicked. Instead of gripping the tube and hoping for the best, he jumped out and was left to fend for himself as a swimmer through the rocks. Our big goals almost always require confronting big rocks - hold on tight and have faith that things will work out.
8. Stake out the big rapids in life and plan your course before going through. For the biggest rapids on the trip we parked the boats, hiked up to see what was going on, and went over how the guides would paddle through. A little planning went a long way toward reducing uncertainty and making sure everyone felt comfortable.
9. On the other hand, sometimes the more you think and plan, the harder something becomes. If you hesitate for too long at the top of a cliff jump (or natural water slide), you'll scare yourself out of it. Just go!
10. People are fascinating if you get curious. Take the time to get to know people. Ask what they do for fun, what lights them up, what the best part of their day was. People are so much more interesting than the answer to the routine "so, what do you do?" question -- stretch yourself and make the effort to really get to know people. It's worth it.
11. Itching mosquito bites only makes them worse. As tempting as it may sometimes be, don't engage or encourage unwanted things or people in your life. Let them be.
12. It's okay to let go sometimes and let someone else do the work. For a good majority of the trip, I sat high up on one of the oar boats in a spot that we dubbed "the princess perch." It was piled high with bags, and I used the inner tube as a pillow. For once, I didn't care that I wasn't the one paddling - I was perfectly happy to relax and let someone else take charge. Mission Relax & Slow Down = SUCCESS!
13. If you always sleep in the comfort of your tent, you'll miss the stars. I slept outside on the last night under the glow of moonlight with zillions of stars poking through the leaves of the trees, and it was absolutely gorgeous. Sure, I got a few DOZEN mosquito bites, but it was well worth it.
14. Friends are like life jackets. Sometimes you don't realize how important they are until you fall into the water and they're there to keep you afloat. So be good to your friends even when you don't NEED them. Especially when you don't need them.
15. Keep your tent zipped if you want to keep the bugs out. Don't get sloppy about who and what you let into your life. Better to keep your tent zipped than to sleep with ants and mosquitoes at night. That said, also be open to letting new people and experiences into your proverbial tent.
16. Being unplugged - truly, 100% gadget-free unplugged - is like giving your brain a clear, calm beautiful day on the river. Emails and commitments are like little pebbles that pile up in your brain. Obsess over them and they become big rocks that cause big rapids. Make sure you give yourself frequent breaks from the pebbles of your life.
17. Get the right people on your boat (or your river trip). Whether you're spending a day or a week (or more) with people, the ride will be much more enjoyable (and your paddle crew more effective) if you pick the right people up front. Our trip was awesome, largely because of the people and river guides who were on it with us.
18. You can do all the planning in the world and you'll still forget to pack your river pants. I had a packing list. I had a checklist. I started packing a week in advance. I laid all my clothes out before neatly packing them in my duffel bag. And guess what? I still somehow managed to leave one of the most important items of the trip at home. Sigh. Thankfully, my friend Julie forgave my stupid error and let me borrow her extra pair of pants.
19. Getting there is half the fun. The road-trip up to Oregon took about nine hours each way, and my friend Julie and I laughed, vented, shared and played little games (like taking turns listing proudest life moments) through redwood forests, small towns and big curving mountain roads. It was incredible, and I'm so glad we left ourselves extra days to enjoy the ride there and back.
20. Life on the river is not about what you do, how you look or where you live. It is about who you are, how much fun you're having, and the connections you make with nature, with yourself, and with the people you are surrounded by.

Special thanks to Susan Fox, an incredible life coach and yoga teacher, who organized the trip and led two daily yoga sessions with the group. There is something magical about doing tree pose while staring at a river bank lined with lush green trees, moving into triangle and looking up to see a bald eagle soaring across the blue sky, flipping into waterfall pose (a backbend) with the sound of rushing water in the background, then later ending with savasana (corpse pose) by relaxing onto the hot rocks warmed by sunlight as we finished our practice. The yoga (and entire trip) was truly a little slice of heaven.

Namaste. :)

***

P.S. Hat tip to Grace Boyle for recommending the AWESOME book I started reading on the trip. Shantaram is a 900+ page door-stopper novel/memoir about a recovered heroin-addict who escaped over the front wall of an Australian prison (after being committed for armed robbery) who then fled to Bombay where he set-up a free medical clinic in the slums and started working for the Indian mafia. Crazy, right?! Grace also sent me an overview video from the author, Gregory David Roberts, a fascinating man whose book is a total page-turner must-read about life, love, regret and redemption.

P.P.S. Two great (free!) e-books came out while I was gone - check 'em out:

• What I Know About Getting a Job: Advice from Top Bloggers in HR (edited by Rich DeMatteo of Corn on the Job, in partnership with Brazen Careerist)
• Fearless Health: How to Thrive in an Unhealthy World (by Matt Gartland of Healthy Lifestyle Design)

Gone Fishin'

I just read an awesome book, The Back of the Napkin: Solving Problems and Selling Ideas, and it inspired me to post this next update as a doodle:

That's right - starting tomorrow I am going to be UNPLUGGED for eight glorious days. My friend Julie and I are going on a road-trip to Oregon for a 5-day yoga/rafting expedition.

No gadgets, no computer, no email, no phone, no chargers. I will be officially detoxing from all things tech. See you all when I return the week of July 26!

***

P.S. Life After College now has a Facebook page - give 'er a like if you want to!

P.P.S. Gen Y'ers: My friend Lauren needs 30 more survey respondents to reach her goal of 1,000 for a Bowdich Research Study. Help her out if you can :)

The Sweet Sting of Rejection

I love chocolate-covered pretzels for their salty-sweet deliciousness. Rejection has similar contrasting qualities for me. At first it feels like salt in an open wound, then it almost always turns into something sweet later down the line. Don't get me wrong -- I don't love getting rejected, but I don't hate it either. In fact, part of me kind of likes it. If I get rejected, I know I tried. I put myself out there. I know I can stand tall and later say, "their loss!" (you know...the classic heartbreak recovery line).

"All great innovations are built on rejections.” −Louis Ferdinand Celine

A Few of My Favorite (hah - I only say that now) Rejections

The examples below are three of my most memorable rejections. Badges of honor. In one sense I am still baffled by them, but in another I know that they helped me get to know myself better and make other plans, proud that at least I put myself out there. (My friend Srinivas Rao wrote a post recently called "8 Failures that Have Led Me to Where I'm at Today" - a great read along similar lines)

• Colleges - My senior year of high school, after I won the California Journalist of the Year award (and made it as a national finalist), I got rejected from Northwestern's Medill School of Journalism. I also got rejected from every East Coast school I applied to. So much for my dream of being a journalist and/or moving across the country. I absolutely loved UCLA (it led to the start-up that led to this blog), but a part of me still feels incomplete never having lived outside of California.

• My book - it got turned down by 27 different publishers before I got an offer. They all had their reasons, but the most popular were: my topic was too generic and had no "hook," my platform wasn't big enough, my audience doesn't buy books, it won't sell past graduation season, and the "after college" market is too competitive. Each rejection stung a little bit, and the compound effect of hearing about rejection after rejection was discouraging, but not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I kept the faith because I knew that it would just take one offer. And I couldn't be happier with the one that I got.

My dad has a dating theory that men should get rejected once per day - it means they are doing their due diligence of putting themselves out there. Just like the saying "do something each day that scares you," maybe we should all risk rejection in some way at least once per day.

Stings So Sweet: The Bite and the Aftermath

In the first few moments (or more), rejection stings. It sucks. My stomach drops. I feel overcome by disappointment. Sometimes I feel embarrassed, or I question my abilities and my worth. I wonder if I was crazy to think whatever I was going for had a chance of success. I wonder if I should have even tried in the first place. A mini-dream is deflated.

But then things turn around. I start to chalk it up to eliminating one more bad fit. I might even smile a little bit. I am one step closer to finding the right path, the one I am meant to be on. I get another "I tried" badge, and I have more stories to tell. Maybe the rejecting party knows something I don't about why it wouldn't have worked out. Or maybe they screwed up and couldn't recognize a good thing when they had the chance. "How could this happen?" turns into "YOU want to reject ME?" which leads to "I'll show you..." -- and it gives me even more motivation to succeed.

The Bottom Line:

How boring would life be if we got everything we wanted all of the time? Look how well that worked out for Veruca Salt.

So lift a glass (or a cupcake) and let's celebrate. To any rejections you've racked up - past or present - CHEERS!

***

P.S. Congrats to Hayley who won the Suze Orman Road to Wealth book giveaway!

Video: Suze Orman Book Giveaway

I know you are all probably out barbecuing, soaking up the sun and generally unwinding - or so I hope - but it's book giveaway time again! I am giving away a copy of Suze Orman's The Road to Wealth (this one is the size of a door stop - it covers everything money-related you could ever want to know). Watch the video below for instructions on how to enter (hint: it's related to my money manifesto). The deadline is Friday, July 9, at which point I will pick a winner via Random.org.

I am headed to Brazil to deliver coach training for a group of managers next week...wish me luck!

Happy Fourth of July weekend, everyone!

***

P.S. If you're in the mood to watch another short video, check out my thoughts on digital literacy - a submission for George Haines' video project. George is an elementary school teacher in New York working on an awesome video compilation about technology for his students:

Freedom: My Money Manifesto

This post is a submission for the 20SB Blog Carnival on Friends & Money. The blog carnival is sponsored by Charles Schwab, which happens to be my long-time bank. I've been "talking to Chuck" since I first started fumbling through my finances as an independent adult; Schwab has helped me save and invest and cash-out for big purchases, always with great customer service.

20SB is an awesome community of 20-something bloggers with a membership of 12,000+ strong - I highly recommend checking it out. If you are already a member let's be friends! Check-out the new 20SB Cafe Press Store too...I just bought myself a nice little tank top for summer.

Freedom: My Money Manifesto

I've talked before about how we all have different motivations when it comes to money; that money is merely a means to an end. My end is freedom (by way of independence) - and it is based on two core principles:

• I made a promise to myself a long time ago - before I ever started collecting paychecks - to never stay in a job or a relationship because I can't afford to leave.
• When I was in college my mom told me that even if I get married someday, I should always know how to support myself. I should always know where my money is going, how to bring home a steady paycheck, and how to pay the bills if anything ever happened (like death or divorce).

These two ideas drive almost every financial decision I have ever made. Since the day I started earning money consistently in college, I have always had a second source of income on the side. Whether it was getting paid to take lecture notes, babysitting, doing web development tutoring, coaching or most recently the book - I have always had my main paycheck and my "hustle" check.

Both fund my independence. Independence from credit card debt and from the fear or not being able to pay my bills on time. It is important to me that I'm not waiting for or depending on another person to fund my financial goals. Of course I look forward to dreaming with the person I eventually marry and to making big things happen as a team, but I won't go into a marriage expecting him to save me or to pay for things that I couldn't pay for myself.

So I bought myself a condo, a diamond ring and a new car (paid in full). I max out my 401(k). I am still paying off my student loan, but I don't have credit card debt. I scored 95/100 on Charles Schwab's Financial Fitness Check-Up Tool. According to the quiz, the only thing I'm missing is a will (I'll get on that soon, Suze, I promise!). I realize that some people might feel suffocated or tied down by these purchases - the exact opposite of freedom - but for me, they create a sense of comfort. I'm not sharing my financial report card to make you feel bad - and I really hope I haven't. I'm sharing because it's important to me that I put my money where my mouth is.

My mouth is on freedom and independence - on always being able to support myself. I bought those things because they helped me feel free. And if there is anything I want to tell or show my friends about money, it is that you can get a handle on it too.

It is important to note that we are all in different places - some have high paying jobs, some do not. Some don't have jobs at all. Some have families who can help out, some do not. I am incredibly fortunate to have had a steady paycheck for the last six years, and a family that is willing to help me out a little bit when I stretch to make big purchases.

Friends and Money

This post is supposed to be about friends and money. I try to stay out of my friends' business when it comes to money, but I find that a lot of them come to me for help, advice, or even just a little inspiration.

In the last two years, two of my friends got divorced. One was married for 15 years, and met her husband when she was 20 years old. The other was married for 10, and has a young daughter to support. When they couldn't see the other side of their financial picture, I helped reassure them that it would be okay. That they could get their finances figured out. That they could learn how to pay bills and rent on their own, even though for many years they had shared those responsibilities with another person.

I wanted to show my friends that they could stand on their own two financial feet even as they walked through heartache. I was living proof that you can be a single woman, manage your money, and still find ways to be fabulous. They looked to me and I told them it would all work out. That I would be right here. And that they could do it. And they did.

It's Never Too Late

It doesn't matter whether you are 25 or 45 years old, it is never too late to start getting a handle on your money. If you are looking for a place to start, I suggest the following three things:

1. Admit your fears and flaws -- what are you afraid of? What are your biggest financial weaknesses? What do you avoid when it comes to managing your money? Check out my previous post: The Emotional Side of Money.
2. Raise your Awareness -- what is your current state of affairs? How much money do you have in the bank? How much debt? What is your monthly income and outflow? Check out my Four-Step Budget for help getting this figured out.
3. Start somewhere -- At the very least, sign-up for Mint.com so that you know where your money is going. Next step? Set-up a short-term savings account (I use ING Direct), and start having $50 automatically deposited every month for an Emergency Fund. To see how I distribute my money, check out A Day in the Life of My Paycheck.

My Hope for All of Us

What I want most for myself, for my friends, and for all of you is to see money as a source of freedom, not imprisonment. Of empowerment, not guilt or shame. Of conscious choices, not feelings of frustration or ignorance. No matter where you are starting from today, I know that you can do it.

Forget for a minute about how much money you have in the bank. I wish I could look you square in the eyes, but for now just hear me when I say: you are worth a million dollars, no matter what your bank statement says. You are smart, creative and resourceful. There is nothing you can't figure out. Even this. Especially this.

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For more Schwab resources: check-out their new site aimed at young adults. They have also recently launched Money Mondays, a series of weekly money tips, and a Twitter account @schwabmoneywise. To submit a post for the 20SB Blog Carnival, post drop a link to your post here by midnight on June 30th, and tweet with the hashtag #$friends.

Disclaimer: This post is part of the 20SB Blog Carnival: Friends & Money, sponsored by Charles Schwab. Prizes may be awarded to selected posts. The information and opinions expressed in this post do not reflect the views or opinions of Charles Schwab. Details on the event, eligibility, and a complete list of participating bloggers can be found here.

Success Demons…and a Signed Contract

I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Partly because of the book deal, but partly because I got propped up by a small army of support these last two weeks by having all of you celebrate with me. Every tweet, text, email, call, facebook note, hug and high-five just filled me to the brim with gratitude. This book finally feels real -- thanks to you. Enter the Success Demons...Right on Cue

Just like clockwork when I feel that warm-fuzzy happiness wash over me, I immediately start hearing my success demons knocking at the door. These are different than my inner critic. My inner critic is good at hitting me when I'm down: "Of course you're lonely, you aren't lovable." BAH! I get angry just typing that! Because I know it's not true. But it happens.

My success demons, on the other hand, are new - and I'm only just discovering how pernicious they can be. The success demons come out the minute I start feeling relaxed and joyful. They say things like:

• You don't deserve to be happy
• You have it too good - the other shoe is going to drop any minute.
• Be careful, when things are THIS good, someone you love could get sick or die or you could lose your house or job
• You just got lucky. What are you celebrating for?

Life is a roller coaster - OF COURSE bad things could happen at any minute. But it is such a shame to let these angry, ugly demons rain on the fun parade without reason. I never used to understand the quotes that talked about people being more afraid of success than failure. But now I do. Because with success comes the fear that it could all disappear at any minute. And the fear that somehow it's too early - or too much - to be celebrating.

Mind Like Water

When the success demons come roaring, particularly the one about bad things about to happen, I remind myself of a popular zen saying "mind like water," which means the following: when you throw a stone into a lake, the lake ripples in proportion to the size of the stone. It doesn't start rippling BEFORE the stone hits (nervous anticipation), and it doesn't ripple for long AFTER the stone hits. It just reacts, then returns to it's normal calm state. Stress comes from regrets about the past or worrying about the future - so if I can just come back to what is in front of me TODAY, it usually helps.

Two books that have been tremendously helpful for me in this area: The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks (which talks about the upper limits we place on ourselves) and Taming Your Gremlins (a book with a lighthearted, exercise-based approach to dealing with your inner critic) by Rick Carson.

Success demons be gone! I have one more celebration to share

Here's another example of a success demon: I signed my book contract on Wednesday after months of nervous anticipation, and it was one of the happiest, proudest moments of my life. Seeing the words "Author: Jenny Blake" on a legal document brought tears to my eyes. I've dreamed about this since I was a little girl reading in the Green Apple Bookstore every day after school, dog-earing pages because I knew I'd be back the next day.

But when it came time to share this monumental moment on my blog I thought, "People are so sick of hearing about your success! Give it a rest already." Ouch! So I debated whether to say anything...to post the video or the pictures my friend Julie took to commemorate the event. Then I realized those are just more success demons rearing their ugly heads. Because even if someone out there is sick of me, someone might be happy! And as Marianne Williamson says, "your playing small does not serve the world." So here I go...

Video #1 - Signing my book contract! (42 seconds long)

Video #2 - An outtake, just for fun :)

The "million dollar signature" - up close and personal

Thank you. For just being here. For letting me celebrate, and for celebrating with me.